I've written and rewritten this blog post upwards of 5 times the past few months...because truth? I'm scared to share this shit.
But I chose my word of 2018 to be UNAPOLOGETIC, and while part of that means letting my freak flag fly (aka not giving AF about what people think about my goofy baby grandma-ness), to me, it means committing to showing up every day with a VULNERABLE and REAL heart.
It means no longer allowing FEAR to rule my day to day -- and choosing to CRASH INTO IT and embrace it for all it will show me on the other side.
So, here are the things I'm afraid to tell you.
(p.s. thank you to Jess Lively for being the major inspiration for creating a post like this in the first place -- if you don't follow her/listen to her podcast, you're missing out! Thank you for being such an inspiration for me to tell my truth. I hope it inspires you to do the same.)
THINGS I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU
I MIGHT HAVE THE BRCA CANCER GENE
Starting big, Amanda. Ok here we go.
When my dad was 18, his mom died of breast cancer. She was 44, crazy healthy and she still was killed by the horrible disease.
My dad decided to get tested 5 years ago to see if he had the gene and, it turns out, he does. Now, for my brother and for him, the chance of it impacting them are quite small. But for me? It means I have a 50/50 shot of having the gene -- and if I do have it, a 78.3% chance of developing breast or ovarian cancer in my lifetime.
And those are odds I don't wanna fuck around with.
This has been a big part of my life for a long time now, but it's becoming even bigger because I've decided, after all these years, to finally get tested.
Why now? Because I'm tired of letting fear call the shots in my life.
Because while it scares the shit out of me, I would rather KNOW so I can make an informed decision moving forward.
So next week, I'm getting tested and I'll be finding out in the next month. Maybe nothing from my perspective will change. But maybe everything will. Stay tuned.
I LOVE BEING A TEAM BEACHBODY COACH
For so long, I hid behind the label attached to coaching -- network marketing, MLM, Beachbody -- call it what you may, it's my JOB and I'm freaking proud of it.
Network marketing companies get a bad rap -- why? Because there are a few shitty ones that put a negative taste in our mouths. You know those companies that encourage their "distributors" to set up parties where you feel pressured into buying some lipstick or face cream you don't want / or suddenly some facebook acquaintance of yours adds you to a facebook group without asking your permission -- yeah, I've had both happen on several occasions and it's not fun.
So when I first found out about Beachbody, I was skeptical AF.
I didn't know anything about it but I knew it was a network marketing company and there was "no way I'm getting involved with that pyramid scheme BS".
But I soon got to learn more about the mission of the company, became OBSESSED with the integrity behind the workout programs and nutrition products & the emphasis on COMMUNITY, building empowering relationships and financial freedom, I soon realized that Team Beachbody does it differently.
WAY differently.
So yeah, I've been partnered with Team Beachbody for the past 2 years and it was the best decision I've ever made.
I've found a family in my team.
I've helped hundreds of women change their relationship with food and feel CONFIDENT in their own skin.
And because of this side hustle, I've been able to single handedly pay our mortgage for the last few months.
You never know what possibilities your life could have if you allow yourself to be open to learning more. More and more women on our team are changing their LIVES because of this opportunity. You could too, if it feels right to you.
I GAINED 10 LBS OVER THE HOLIDAYS
This one feels SO stupid as I write it out, but it's true. I've been holding myself back from sharing this because I'm afraid of what this means.
The things my inner shit talker has said it means?
"You're a bad coach. You can't even practice what you preach."
"Yup, look at those thighs and that ass. So fucking gross."
"You are such a hypocrite -- don't you preach not attaching your worth to the scale?"
Yup, nasty shit, am I right?
And yeah, I'm up 10 lbs since I last weighed myself in September.
I know this because I'm starting a new fitness program for my Live Your F*ck YES life challenge & before we begin each challenge, we take our right now photos and measurements so we can track our progress. Pictures are worth so much to my clients (and honestly, to myself) in this process because it's so amazing to see how far we come in our journey.
However, I normally don't weigh myself as part of these (the scale caused major anxiety for me for so long in my life that I stopped a long time ago), but a few months back, when I completed Shift Shop, I decided to weigh myself and see my full progress throughout the program. And I decided to do the same for this one -- except this time, I was shocked to see I had put on 10 lbs.
I will admit that I haven't been feeling my best.
I ate a buttload of christmas cookies, have been eating more gluten than normal (which I know is an irritant to my body), and the takeout train has been REAL in my house with all the travel and bumps in the road this past month.
And my pants certainly aren't fitting the way they used to.
The 10 lbs I gained? That part alone honestly doesn't bother me beyond what others might think (because yes, as much as I work my ASS off not to let those things bother me, they still do -- I'm a freaking human being).
What does bother me is that I'm not feeling my best.
Luckily, I have the tools I need to be able to turn that around and shift how I'm feeling alongside my Live Your F*ck YES Life community -- I'm excited to launch into a new workout program, be intentional with the food I'm putting into my body and feel AMAZING in my clothes again.
And there you have it.
Wow, I've gotta say, it feels really good to get all of that off my chest. Ever since I was a little girl, writing has been so therapeutic for me and this post has been uber cathartic to say the least.
I hope me sharing my truth empowers you to share a little bit of yours.
I believe so much in the power of vulnerability -- and that through sharing our stories, we can empower one another to rise up into our authentic selves, and quit hiding behind the bullshit stories we've been telling ourselves.
Thank you for coming along this journey with me. This community we've built means the world to me and I'm so grateful for each and every single one of you.
Come on over to our facebook community and share something you've been afraid to tell us. Be brave, lady love. You can do it.
Love & light,
Amanda