Facing Fear Head On: A 20 somethings journey of being BRCA positive

FEAR.

For so much of my life, I let fear steer the wheel. 

I quit ballet after my first class because 3 girls made fun of me and I was scared nobody would be my friend.

I didn't ask the boy out because I was terrified he'd reject me and not think I was pretty enough.

I dieted and dieted in fear that I wouldn't be cast in shows because I wouldn't be "skinny enough".

Can you relate? 

The past 2 years of my life, I've been on an intense journey of self discovery and a huge part of that was facing fear head on.

I faced it head on when I broke the diet cycle once and for all, and healed my relationship with food and fitness.

I faced it head on when I decided to pay everything I've learned forward and become a health coach and join a tribe of incredible women changing the freaking world. 

I faced it head on when I took a good hard look at my debt, made a plan and in less than a year, paid off all my credit card debt. 

I faced it head on when I went shirtless on stage for the first time in my life and faced all the body love demons that had been a part of my life for so damn long. 

And heading into this year, I knew that it was time to face a fear I've been living with for a very long time. 

MY STORY 

When my dad was 18, his mum died of breast cancer at the age of 44. 

And growing up, I've seen how that loss took such a toll on him. I mean, losing a parent at all let alone at 18 years old is awful -- and something that I'm so grateful to say I've not had to go through myself. Because goddamn, my parents are my best friends and that's something even just thinking about breaks my fucking heart.

And all my life, I've had this little fear living at the back of my mind that I would have the same fate as my grandma. Call it intuition, call it gut, call it fear, it was super present in my world since I was old enough to understand it.

And that fear came to an all time high during my Sophomore year of college when my Dad got tested for the BRCA gene mutations (more info on all of this and real time reactions on episode 6 of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Podcast) and found out that he was a carrier of the gene (and the only one of his siblings who is).

At the time, I didn't fully understand what that meant,  beyond the fact that I had a 50/50 chance of getting it, and honestly fear took over every ounce of me that I didn't want to know. I was 20 and the way I felt at the time was that knowing would just make it harder.

So I decided not to find out...until this year.

And you know what? Looking back, I'm grateful I waited.

Grateful because at the time, I was going through SO much internally that I think the information I knew deep down was true -- the fact that I also am BRCA 1 positive -- would have broken me in half.

Now, I'm 27, and while I'm still so young, I've lived a lot of life.

Hell, in the last 4 years alone, I've dealt with a binge eating disorder, orthorexia, planned a wedding, dealt with sudden onset anxiety, bought our first house, started my business, moved out of said home and lived in hotels for 6 months because of water damage, navigated job shifts and health issues with my hubby, started a podcast and beyond. 

And that's not counting all the odd jobs, shows, teaching gigs, travels, mentoring and everything else in my life. 

And while so much of it has been incredibly fulfilling and invigorating, a lot of my life has been filled with obstacle after obstacle -- as I'm sure yours has been too, because hey, that's what being a freaking human being is all about, right?

And while, at the time, those obstacles have felt INSURMOUNTABLE, here I am (and here you are) on the other side of it all, STRONGER for it and more self aware than ever. 

And I sit here, grateful for it all, because it gave me the courage to stop waiting.

To show up as a warrior in my life and put the worries to rest.

So yes, I am a woman living with the BRCA 1 gene.

I don't have cancer, yet. But the chance of me getting breast or ovarian cancer is high AF.

And while that in and of itself scares the SHIT out of me, I've never felt more empowered. Because I get to do something about it.

I don't know what that is yet, but you know I'll be sharing it all along the way, mess and all, 'cause that's how I freaking roll. 

And I'm so goddamn grateful to have you along for the ride.

Xo Amanda 

p.s. if you aren't in our Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community, come on over and join the convo. We're all in this together babe.

Self Love Isn't What You Think It Is

I used to think self love meant "treat yoself".

You know... have a bad day? Get a cupcake. Rough day at work? Go shopping. Feel like total shit and all you wanna do is curl up in bed? Netflix, chill, and probably a bubble bath thrown in the mix.

Now don't get me wrong, there is a time and place for all of the above, but the past few years I've been on a major journey to self love and I realized how wrong I had it for so many years.

Thank you social media for totally messing this shiz up for everyone -- I mean the hashtags #selflove and #selfcare could be such a powerful tool if we actually applied self love in the way its intended! And maybe, just maybe, more woman would learn to actually love themselves.

So...what is the secret to self love you ask?

From my own personal journey, I've found that it rarely has anything to do with the things that are affecting us from the outside in...it's all about the work that you're doing from the inside out.

Here's a self love checklist I made to show you some examples of what I mean...

In other words, are you showing up for yourself every single day and doing the WORK to help you combat your insecurities, negativity, frustrations & anxieties?

Or do you find that you gravitate towards the numbing activities that allow your brain to just shut off because you're so damn tired?

If you're like 95% of the world, you probably find yourself answering YES to the latter most days. And I just want you to know that it's 100% NORMAL. I was there too for YEARS (and some days all I wanna do is numb the fuck out on the latest episode of the Bachelor and turn my brain off). And there's nothing WRONG with that. Hell, society tells us those are the right things to do...so how should you know any better?

Well, that's why I'm here.

Because I've lived on both ends of the spectrum.

I spent years numbing myself on treat yo-self actions because I was just so damn tired, anxious and irritable. And yeah, I'd feel better for a few minutes or maybe a few hours. But I was lightyears away from actually loving myself & being proud of the person I was on the inside.

 And after practicing all of those self love actions (some daily, some weekly, some when I feel like it) for the past 2 years, I can honestly say that I actually know what self love is, because I feel it every damn day.

Now, I'll be the first to say this did not happen overnight. Not even close. It took daily inspired action to make these shifts. And a lot of it did not come easily to me, but if you're struggling with loving yourself in any way, I can promise you that if you dedicate yourself to putting some or many of these self love tools into action every single day, you will start to see a shift in you that you never imagined possible.

---

SELF LOVE TOOLS

1. Positive Self Talk

What are you saying to yourself? Do you use positive words when you're speaking about yourself? Or do you find yourself saying things like: "Man, I look gross today.", "Why can't I be prettier?" or "I'm never going to get that promotion."

It's a tough switch to flip but get curious about what you're actually saying to yourself and when you notice a negative thought, try one of these things to shift your mindset:

• When you look in the mirror, focus on what you DO love, not what you don't.
• Do something that makes you feel on freaking fire. Rock a workout. Throw yourself a dance party. Get out of your head and into you body!
• Quit the comparison game. I know you do it. We all do. If you are following people on social media that trigger you, stop following them. Or better yet, remember that you don't know their story or how they got themselves to look the way they do. Celebrate your own personal victories and remember that we're all on our journeys -- and where you are right now is exactly where you're supposed to be.

2. Moving Your Body At The Pleasure of Your Soul

Believe it or not, this is more of mindset shift than anything but when you're working out, do you do it because you're hell bent on CHANGING your body or because you APPRECIATE your body?

I came from a place of obsession because I hated my body for years, but the second I found programs that actually made me excited to push play & I ditched the scale and focused on how I was feeling, I started actually moving my body every day because it got me one step closer to feeling my most energized and confident self. 

So find a program that lights you up, and find a supportive community to embark on the positive journey with. 

3. Fueling your body with healthy foods

This one is a no brainer. 

Are you putting foods that will help you body work and thrive at its peak? Or are you eating food that makes you feel like shit?

Show your body some major love by employing the "food is fuel" mantra in your life. 

4. Journaling

The first step to loving yourself is knowing yourself. I mean, how can you love a person you hardly know? It might sound crazy that you could be living as yourself and not really know yourself, but I've had SO many clients (myself included) share with me that when they started the process of journaling, they discovered SO many things about themselves.

HOW? Because they asked themselves questions they had never thought to ask. And they answered TRUTHFULLY.

Were all those answers things they liked hearing? Hell no. There are aspects of all of us that we don't like -- but once we really understand what those things are, we can take action on shifting those areas in our lives and adopting the tools to rise up into the best versions of ourselves.

Don't know where to start on the journaling front? This month we're rocking out a book alllll around journaling, so join our community here and dive on in with us! 

5. Personal Development

Yup. I'm talking all things self help. 

Think it's crazy? Read this post all about how my mind TOTALLY shifted on this topic -- and grab one of the books I recommend to get started! 

6. Meditation

Whatever floats your boat in this world (guided meditations, sitting and breathing in silence or hell, even just allowing yourself some quiet time away from any electronics or distractions), creating space in your life for SILENCE allows your body, mind and soul reset.

It gives you SPACE to just be. As you are. Whatever that may look like. 

I use meditation as a daily tool to start my day with a clean slate or even to calm myself during stressful or emotionally taxing situations (which, let's face it, we all have them).

It's not about being perfect, it's about finding a practice that works for you! 

7. Setting boundaries

Do you constantly find yourself saying YES to things that don't light you up? You over-extend yourself on the regular. Always trying to do anything and everything for the people around you but rarely spend any time on yourself?

While having a servants heart is a beautiful thing (and one I resonate with), it can be so taxing to constantly be saying yes to things. Before you know it, you burn out on all the things and have completely thrown your self care out the window because, you guessed it, by saying YES to something, you're saying NO to something else in your life.

So the next time your friend asks you to go out on a Friday night and all you want to do is go to a yoga class, come home, light some candles, take a bath and go to bed early with a good book, this is your official permission slip to say no.

SELF LOVE? IT'S ABOUT MAKING YOURSELF A PRIORITY SO YOU CAN FILL YOUR CUP UP AND POUR ALL THE GOODNESS INTO THE CUPS OF THE LIVES OF THOSE AROUND YOU.

Which self love exercise are you going to start implementing into your life?

Share in the comments!

Xo Amanda 

Top 5 Things My Dog Has Taught Me

The past year and a half of my life have been INFINITELY brighter and it's all because of this little (not so little) guy. 

I always knew I was meant to be a dog mom. But after losing my family dog a few years ago, I didn’t know if I had it in my heart to love a pup that much again.

(And to be honest, a few years ago, I was out of the house more than I was in it & living paycheck to paycheck and getting a dog just wouldn’t have been fair.)

But a year after my leap into coaching, so much changed and all of a sudden the idea of owning a dog wasn't out of the question.

And every single day, when I wake up next to your fluffy goofy self and I get to spend so much of my day snuggling, going for walks & playing, I can’t help but be filled with so much damn gratitude.

It's amazing what dogs can teach us -- if you're a dog mama you know! And I'm forever thankful for the daily reminders. 

THE TOP 5 THINGS MY DOG HAS TAUGHT ME

1. PLAY IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD STRIVE FOR, DAILY.

I don't know about you, but past the age of 22, it seemed like everyone and their mother went from play mode to #adulting up the wazoo. 

Don't get me wrong, I totally had the same thing happen to me. I went into "I have to pay all the bills" mode. I picked up 7 different part time jobs and was running myself ragged, frustrated and irritable as all hell. And the LAST thing I made time for in my life was play.

Getting a dog completely fliped that switch -- it's a daily reminder to not take your life so goddamn seriously. To take moments to BE SILLY. Celebrate your goofy-ness. Run in the rain/snow/whatever!! And Toby is just as goofy as me, so it's been a freaking GOOF PARTY over here since he's come into the picture, and I couldn't imagine it any other way.

2. LOVE, LOVE, ALWAYS LOVE.

The best thing about dogs? They love you unconditionally. 

They don't hold grudges. They see you as your BEST every dang day. And the way I see it, we could all take a page from their unconditional love book.

Holding grudges... Being frustrated with others or things...who is that helping?

Certainly not yourself. And while I am ALL about feeling the feels, holding onto frustration about things that are out of your control (I used to be like this ALL the time about traffic) is only hurting yourself, right?

So let's just choose to LOVE. Forgive, so you can release YOURSELF from the burden you're holding onto. Life is too short to live being frustrated and irritable on the daily. 

Toby teaches me the power of LOVE everyday, and I think we can learn a lesson or two from it!

3. SHIT DOESN'T ALWAYS GO THE WAY YOU PLANNED, AND THAT'S OKAY.

Toby may be the best thing in my entire life, but sometimes he can be a royal pain in the ass.

When we first got him, every time we took him driving in the car he got hella car sick. We learned quickly that we always needed to have cleaner and paper towels in the car at all times. #lessonlearned

All my favorite tupperware? If I leave it out (or even in the sink -- yup he's tall), by the time I get home it has been DESTROYED. Invest in glass tupperware, my friends. It's a game changer. 

And sometimes your dog decides to eat an avocado, and you end up canceling all of your plans and spending 4 hours waiting at pet emergency. *cough* Toby *cough*

Please say Toby isn't the only pup out there making all the weird choices with his life...

My point is, shit doesn't go according to plan with a dog all of the time.

And isn't that the way LIFE goes too? Having a dog has helped me EMBRACE the mess, and remember that there are going to be days when shit hits the fan, and that's OK because that's LIFE.

4. BE PRESENT

It's so easy these days with social media and the news to get wrapped up in everything going on, and forget to slow down and appreciate the little things that are right in front of you. And what I love about Toby is he lives for the little things -- literally. Dude is STOKED for a day of cuddles, naps, eating amazing food, play time & belly rubs.

And if that's not a life lesson in and of itself, I don't know what is. 

Stay present. Appreciate the little things, and what's more -- make TIME for the little things.

Cuddle your favorite person. Eat amazing food. Have tickle fights if that's what floats your boat. 

And turn the electronics OFF. You'll be so grateful for those moments once you do. 

5. PARENTING IS HARD AF, BUT WORTH IT. 

As my hubby Kev always says, Toby has been our furry test child, and he's proven just how challenging parenting can be.

Now I'm not saying having a dog is like having a kid, but this is the first time in my life that I've been entirely responsible for something outside of myself. And I'm not just talking the daily and weekly tasks -- feeding him, walking him, playing with him, bathing him etc. But the TOUGH stuff? That shit you can never prepare for? It's can hit you like a ton of bricks. 

July 2017, I was out of town in NOLA with my coaching tribe when I got a call from my husband that he was taking Toby to the emergency room because the vet found a mass in his stomach. My heart DROPPED. You hear the word mass and you immediately think cancer, right? And let's just say, the anxiety attacks and uncontrollable sobbing were real that night. After some tests, he was cleared from anything life threatening and it ended up being an allergy to gluten (yup, this is real you guys -- I had no idea gluten could impact dogs too), but the sheer panic I experienced when I found out he wasn't doing so well broke my heart.

I never expected to bond so much with a dog. To view him as more than just my dog, but as my freaking kid. I would do anything for him, and that means loving him through the vet visits, the destroyed tupperware and his inability to understand personal space.

So there ya have it -- I'm officially a crazy obsessed dog mom and I'm never going back.

Are you a fur mom too? What are some of the favorite things your pet has taught you?

Xo Amanda

To The Woman Obsessed with Working Out

A year and a half ago, I wrote this post sharing some of the ins and outs of my rollercoaster of a journey with health & fitness -- and while, at the time, I was sharing all that I had in me to share, there are big chunks of my story that I left out.

Out of fear.

Out of embarrassment.

But the thing is -- it's MY story (and probably your story too in a lot of ways), and if there's anything I've learned in my journey of being a blogger/coach/wellness advocate/woman, it's that sharing your story opens doors for others to say "ME TOO."

Hell, if the me too movement isn't damn proof of that.

And as I was leafing through old journals from my final year at university a few weeks ago and I read something that made my heart sink....

“I’ll be happy once I’m skinny. All I have to do is get to a size 2 and I'll finally feel beautiful and enough."

I finally feel like I'm in a good place with my body. A place where I genuinely love everything its capable of, and no matter the scars, the cellulite, the stretch marks -- they are a part of me and because of that, I love them and most importantly, I love MYSELF.

But it wasn't always this way -- I spent years believing I wasn't enough and so much of my time was dedicated to trying to "fix" the way I looked...

Let's rewind.

It's my final year at university and I'm in the last week before our senior musical theatre showcase. I'd been working my body to the bone for MONTHS to prepare.

You see, as a performer, I knew that I was about to put not just my talent but myself in front of a room full of people who could change the entire trajectory of my career as an actor. And all I could think about was fitting into that size 2 dress from Anthropology and losing the flab under my arms so I could finally get my big break. 

So I did everything I could.

I woke up every morning and ran 3 miles, rain, cold, snow, shine, even though I hated running more than anything on the planet. If I had a break during my school day, I would go to the gym in the building and do ab circuits/life weights/run on the treadmill REPEAT. And before bed at night, I would find some random tone it up workout on youtube and do that.

All to do it all over again the next day.

I was obsessed.

And my entire life was taken over -- between my workouts, double showers a day, and school, I had no time for anything FUN in my life. 

But that week, I stepped into that dress and you know what? It fit.

But those voices in my head that said I wasn't good enough didn't just magically go away.

And that day. I looked in the mirror and cried because I had finally gotten to where I wanted to be and I still didn't like what I see.

It took hitting rock bottom after rock bottom, binging until I gained all the weight back, to going on one crash diet after the next and rocking that diet cycle of death for a few years before I finally burnt myself to the ground and my body said no more for me to finally show up for me.

To focus on being HEALTHY instead of skinny.

To ditch the scale.

To eat REAL food and lots of it.

Lady love, life is about SO much more than your workout.

It's about going on adventures, spending time with the people in your life who light you up, saying YES to things that excite you and showing up for yourself every single day.

And if you find yourself struggling with the idea of taking a "day off" from your exercise routine (or if you call a 'rest day' an hour and a half intensive yoga flow), then its time to gut check yourself and make a change. 

---

So how did I get from that girl crying in the mirror to where I'm at today? Honest? It took a shit ton of hard work, a lot of tears, major realizations and a shit ton of vulnerability. 

First of all -- Acknowledge that you are a human being and that this transition won't happen overnight. The patterns of over-exercising you've built up? They've become habits, and it's as difficult to break as an eating disorder. Give yourself grace, start cutting back on all those classes you're taking and be kind to yourself. This was a game changer for me (albeit fucking HARD because my perfectionist nature did not like it one bit). 

Second of all -- I started working with a health coach, who is still my coach and mentor (and friend) to this day. Having someone else looking out for my health & wellbeing was EVERYTHING. And whats more, she welcomed me into a community of other women that were also struggling with similar things so it gave me a space to communicate freely and openly. This is why I ended up becoming a health coach myself because all I wanted to do was pay it forward to others the way she did to me.

And lastly -- do your research. Over-exercising has long term harmful effects on your body. It can lead to adrenal fatigue (most women in the fitness space severely suffer from this without ever realizing), injury and more.

In time, you'll get to a place where you no longer use exercise as a form of punishment. Where you move in ways that light you up and workout from a place of LOVE for your body and your mind, not hate. 

And all of a sudden, the world will open its door to so many beautiful things that you never realized you were missing out on this entire time -- I know it did for me.

I found time to foster budding relationships with women that have since become my best friends and business partners.

I learned all about how to use food as fuel and how I'd been putting so many harmful ingredients in my body for years. 

I learned about what true self care is all about, and the beauty of personal development. 

And that burnt out irritable version of myself? She's long gone.

I see so many women in the health & fitness space and they remind me of myself back then. My story ends well, but I know so many still struggle.

So if you are one of those women, I hope you can hear me when I say that your worth is not defined by your body. You are enough just as you are right fucking now.

And no matter how long it takes you to get to the other side, know that I am in your corner, cheering you on along this crazy ass thing we called life.

You are so loved.

And you are so enough.

Xo Amanda 

Mustard Apple Pork Tenderloin with Roasted Brussels & Sweet pots

HOLY BONKERS what a week it's been so far! 

I started a new health & fitness program alongside my Live Your F*ck YES life community (follow along my Instagram for the behind the scenes!) and it's been SO amazing.

My favorite part of it all?

ALL THE FOOD I GET TO EAT.

So many health and fitness meal plans involve LIMITING your food (ahem diet mentality). Newsflash diet culture? Eating 1200 calories a day is NOT going to get you healthy.

It WILL perpetuate the endless diet-binge cycle you've been on for yeaaaars. So get your booty aligned with a program that encourages ALL THE FOOD (and I can already tell this is going to be the most INCREDIBLE program ever -- my body is FEELING it in the BEST way!)

One of my favorite ways to prep for a new program is keeping my meals during the day SUPER simple and having my favorite go-tos for dinner as a treat!

And this combo is one of my absolute FAVORITES, and it doesn't hurt that it's hella affordable and super simple (although it tastes restaurant quality if I do say so myself!)

Check 'er out and let me know what you think!

MUSTARD APPLE PORK TENDERLOIN WITH BRUSSELS & SWEET POTS

Serves Four

INGREDIENTS

1 large pork tenderloin (about 15 ounces)

1 tbsp Dijon mustard

1 tbsp whole grain mustard

2 tsp fennel seeds (optional)

1 large onion, sliced

2 medium Granny smith apples, peeled, cored and sliced (about 1/4 inch thick)

1/2 cup of apple cider 

1 tsp grapeseed oil 

2 cups Brussel sprouts

1 sweet potato 

1 tbsp avocado/liquid coconut oil 

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F.

2. Season pork with a dash of sea salt and pepper. Season quartered brussel sprouts and chopped sweet potatoes with avocado/coconut oil and sea salt and put in oven for 8-10 minutes. 

3. Heat 2 tbsp of olive oil in large nonstick ovenproof skillet over medium-high heat. Add pork and sear until all sides are brown (about 5 minutes).

4. Transfer pork to plate and cool slightly, spreading combined mustard over top and sides of pork (optional: press fennel seeds into mustard). 54. Add a tbsp of grapeseed oil, onion and apples into pan and sauté over medium heat for about 5 minutes.

6. Place pork on top of mixture and transfer skillet to oven until the centre of the pork registers 150 degrees F, about 15-20 minutes. Transfer pork to platter and make a foil tent to prevent moisture from escaping.

7. Meanwhile, pour apple cider over apple-onion mixture in skillet. Stir over high heat for about two minutes, until slightly reduced. 

8. Slice pork and spoon apple-onion mixture overtop of pork for a nice finish!

What're some of your favorite go to dinners throughout the week?

Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

I've written and rewritten this blog post upwards of 5 times the past few months...because truth? I'm scared to share this shit.

But I chose my word of 2018 to be UNAPOLOGETIC, and while part of that means letting my freak flag fly (aka not giving AF about what people think about my goofy baby grandma-ness), to me, it means committing to showing up every day with a VULNERABLE and REAL heart.

It means no longer allowing FEAR to rule my day to day -- and choosing to CRASH INTO IT and embrace it for all it will show me on the other side.

So, here are the things I'm afraid to tell you. 

(p.s. thank you to Jess Lively for being the major inspiration for creating a post like this in the first place -- if you don't follow her/listen to her podcast, you're missing out! Thank you for being such an inspiration for me to tell my truth. I hope it inspires you to do the same.)

 

THINGS I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU

 

I MIGHT HAVE THE BRCA CANCER GENE

Starting big, Amanda. Ok here we go.

When my dad was 18, his mom died of breast cancer. She was 44, crazy healthy and she still was killed by the horrible disease. 

My dad decided to get tested 5 years ago to see if he had the gene and, it turns out, he does. Now, for my brother and for him, the chance of it impacting them are quite small. But for me? It means I have a 50/50 shot of having the gene -- and if I do have it, a 78.3% chance of developing breast or ovarian cancer in my lifetime. 

And those are odds I don't wanna fuck around with.

This has been a big part of my life for a long time now, but it's becoming even bigger because I've decided, after all these years, to finally get tested. 

Why now? Because I'm tired of letting fear call the shots in my life.

Because while it scares the shit out of me, I would rather KNOW so I can make an informed decision moving forward.

So next week, I'm getting tested and I'll be finding out in the next month. Maybe nothing from my perspective will change. But maybe everything will. Stay tuned.

I LOVE BEING A TEAM BEACHBODY COACH

For so long, I hid behind the label attached to coaching -- network marketing, MLM, Beachbody -- call it what you may, it's my JOB and I'm freaking proud of it.

Network marketing companies get a bad rap -- why? Because there are a few shitty ones that put a negative taste in our mouths. You know those companies that encourage their "distributors" to set up parties where you feel pressured into buying some lipstick or face cream you don't want / or suddenly some facebook acquaintance of yours adds you to a facebook group without asking your permission -- yeah, I've had both happen on several occasions and it's not fun.

So when I first found out about Beachbody, I was skeptical AF. 

I didn't know anything about it but I knew it was a network marketing company and there was "no way I'm getting involved with that pyramid scheme BS". 

But I soon got to learn more about the mission of the company, became OBSESSED with the  integrity behind the workout programs and nutrition products & the emphasis on COMMUNITY, building empowering relationships and financial freedom, I soon realized that Team Beachbody does it differently.

WAY differently. 

So yeah, I've been partnered with Team Beachbody for the past 2 years and it was the best decision I've ever made. 

I've found a family in my team.

I've helped hundreds of women change their relationship with food and feel CONFIDENT in their own skin.

And because of this side hustle, I've been able to single handedly pay our mortgage for the last few months. 

You never know what possibilities your life could have if you allow yourself to be open to learning more. More and more women on our team are changing their LIVES because of this opportunity. You could too, if it feels right to you. 

I GAINED 10 LBS OVER THE HOLIDAYS

This one feels SO stupid as I write it out, but it's true. I've been holding myself back from sharing this because I'm afraid of what this means.

The things my inner shit talker has said it means?

"You're a bad coach. You can't even practice what you preach."

"Yup, look at those thighs and that ass. So fucking gross."

"You are such a hypocrite -- don't you preach not attaching your worth to the scale?"

Yup, nasty shit, am I right?

And yeah, I'm up 10 lbs since I last weighed myself in September. 

I know this because I'm starting a new fitness program for my Live Your F*ck YES life challenge & before we begin each challenge, we take our right now photos and measurements so we can track our progress. Pictures are worth so much to my clients (and honestly, to myself) in this process because it's so amazing to see how far we come in our journey. 

However, I normally don't weigh myself as part of these (the scale caused major anxiety for me for so long in my life that I stopped a long time ago), but a few months back, when I completed Shift Shop, I decided to weigh myself and see my full progress throughout the program. And I decided to do the same for this one -- except this time, I was shocked to see I had put on 10 lbs.

I will admit that I haven't been feeling my best.

I ate a buttload of christmas cookies, have been eating more gluten than normal (which I know is an irritant to my body), and the takeout train has been REAL in my house with all the travel and bumps in the road this past month. 

And my pants certainly aren't fitting the way they used to.

The 10 lbs I gained? That part alone honestly doesn't bother me beyond what others might think (because yes, as much as I work my ASS off not to let those things bother me, they still do -- I'm a freaking human being).

What does bother me is that I'm not feeling my best.

Luckily, I have the tools I need to be able to turn that around and shift how I'm feeling alongside my Live Your F*ck YES Life community -- I'm excited to launch into a new workout program, be intentional with the food I'm putting into my body and feel AMAZING in my clothes again.

And there you have it.

Wow, I've gotta say, it feels really good to get all of that off my chest. Ever since I was a little girl, writing has been so therapeutic for me and this post has been uber cathartic to say the least.

I hope me sharing my truth empowers you to share a little bit of yours.

I believe so much in the power of vulnerability -- and that through sharing our stories, we can empower one another to rise up into our authentic selves, and quit hiding behind the bullshit stories we've been telling ourselves. 

Thank you for coming along this journey with me. This community we've built means the world to me and I'm so grateful for each and every single one of you.

Come on over to our facebook community and share something you've been afraid to tell us. Be brave, lady love. You can do it.

Love & light,

Amanda 

The One Thing You Need To Start Your Year Right

Are you a big fan on new years resolutions?

I used to make them every single year, and every year I would inevitably break them and my type A perfectionist nature would feel like an utter failure.

"Go to the gym 5x a week." FAILURE.

"Go vegan." Ha, that one lasted a month.

"Practice yoga 3x a week." Nope.

Sound familiar?

And it got me thinking -- why do we start our years out making a resolution that is clearly well intentioned but will inevitably not be able to fully commit to (and often forget about 2 weeks later)?

There has to be a better way to be INTENTIONAL with our upcoming year -- and that's why I started a NEW TRADITION heading into this last year that really stuck with me and helped build POSITIVE momentum.

What's this you say, Amanda? 

Hush, hush, I'll tell you.

CHOOSE YOUR WORD OF THE YEAR.

 

I went into 2017 with the word GROWTH.

I started my business at the very end of 2015 and the first year of ANY new adventure is a freaking rollercoaster and filled with ALL the kinks. 

I was failing forward like crazy and had definitely started to build a foundation for my business but I had (and have) some seriously HUGE goals and I knew that the only way I would be able to achieve them was with MASSIVE GROWTH.

What I didn't realize was just how much of that growth needed to be INTERNAL instead of EXTERNAL.

I don't know about you but when I hear the word growth, I think numbers and a higher income. And while that certainly did happen this year, the external growth ONLY happened AFTER I had done a shit ton of work on my INNER GROWTH.

What areas did this include?

• Inner work on my positive self talk
• Serious work on my money mindset (*cough* scarcity mindset)
• Belief in myself as a leader
• Working "as if" I was was already where I wanted to be. 
• Developing a routine and a work ethic that was IN LINE with my goals. It turns out that big dreams without action are just DREAMS. 
• Allowing myself to DREAM BIG and crash into the fear instead of allowing it to paralyze me. 

...and so much more. 

2017 was certainly a year of massive growth for me and my team.

And because of all of the self development I did as a PERSON, and all the work I did on building up my MINDSET and BELIEF SYSTEMS, I was able to grow my team into a group of 100+ women who also want to turn their passion for health & fitness into a business or side hustle, help over 200 women BUST THROUGH THEIR EMOTIONAL EATING & ditch the yo yo dieting once and for all within my Live Your F*ck YES Life Challenges and financially, I was able to pay off ALL of our credit card debt, and start to really contribute to our family.

---

So as we head into 2018, I've been thinking a lot about what I want my word of the year to be. And through the prompts I will share with you shortly, I decided on

UNAPOLOGETIC

So often, we (myself included) apologize for the way we are and the things that light us up.

And I realized this year that I've been doing that way more frequently than I realized -- and enough is enough.

I'm CLAIMING MY TRUTH and officially going BALLS TO THE WALL with who I am, what I believe in and what is important to me and I'm refusing to hold myself back.

If that means I lose a few followers on social media because I'm too much of a crazy goofball baby grandma who swears and talks about poop, so be it.

No more dimming my light because I'm afraid people won't like me.

This gal is officially going to show up every day UNAPOLOGETICALLY HERSELF. So gear up.

Now, how does one even start figuring out what their word of the year might be?

I'm glad you asked!

Here's a combination of exercises to help you discover yours:

1. Grab a journal and allow yourself to free write -- close your eyes and think about your DREAM day. What are you doing? Who are you with? How do you feel? Got it in your head? Write down everything you're experiencing on a piece of paper.

2. Think about your upcoming year. What do you know for sure will be happening in 2018? What do you want to manifest for your year? What are some things that could happen that would LIGHT YOU UP INSIDE? 

3. Look over the words you wrote in the last 2 steps. Did any feelings resonate throughout? Any particular words get written more than once? Bonus? Check out this list of words (inspired by the lovely Susannah Conway) and see which ones pop out to you most! Circle the 5 ones that really resonate with you.

4. From the words you circled, I want you to spend some time journaling out what each of them represents to you and WHY feeling that way would make you feel your BEST in 2018. What does it represent to you? Why is that important?

You'll likely find yourself gravitating towards one or two words that really hit home for you. 

And from there -- the way to officially choose your word is to answer one simple question: WHICH ONE LIGHTS ME UP THE MOST?

That's your word of the year.

I would LOVE to hear which word you came up with!

Share in the comments below (or in our Facebook community!) so I can support you heading into the new year!

Xo Amanda 

How To Overcome Food Guilt

If you've ever struggled with emotional or binge eating, you know how tough the holidays can be (or really any day for that matter).

You binge your heart out at a holiday party, date night or a night alone on the couch watching Netflix and you wake up the next morning thinking to yourself how can I "fix this". 

So you run to the gym, obsessively workout for 2 hours to "work it off" 

I'm 100% NOT going to tell you to do ANY of those things because I've been there and not only do they not work, but they perpetuate the "I'm not enough" and obsessive cycle. 

Here are my favorite ways to overcome food guilt, the RIGHT way.

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1. ADOPT THE MANTRA FOOD IS FUEL

That latest diet trend that's all the rage? Paleo? Whole 30? Juice cleanse? Keto?

It's called a trend for a reason -- and is only going to give you quick fix results that will ultimately perpetuate your emotional eating and trigger your negative eating habits.

Trust me, I spent years rocking the diet trends and thinking they would be the answer to all of my problems when it turns out, the real answer to breaking free of my yo yo dieting cycle of death was to focus on eating REAL FOODS and have a meal plan that included ALL the food groups ('cause this type A gal thrives off of structure and always will) 

Why the structure and not intuitive eating?

Honestly? I tried the whole intuitive eating thing and I intuitively ate an entire box of oreos...

While I'm in a place now where I can be more intuitive with my food choices because my body has self regulated after eating well for so long, I truly believe that the best way to transform your life is by adopting a meal plan that lays out the specifics of WHAT kinds of food will FUEL our bodies and the amount of food we need depending on our body type and goals.

Learn more about my food philosophy here...

2. TOSS YOUR TRIGGER FOODS

If you're an emotional/binge eater, chances are there are specific foods that set you off.

Mine are cookies, reeses cups, pizza, nutella and that monster trail mix from Target. If it's in the house, I WILL eat it. And all of it. 

I used to think this made me weak, especially after being on the path to recovery for a few years and "doing so well" -- but here's the thing about binge/emotional eating, it's not a clear cut path to recovery.

We can take steps forward and find a healthy relationship with food but those pesky trigger foods are REAL. 

Best way to overcome them? TOSS 'EM. Don't keep them around your house.

And if you live with someone, have the conversation with them and ask them if they'd be open to keeping those things out of the house. Your home should be your safe space and that means nothing that could trigger you, period.

3. SHOW YOURSELF SOME COMPASSION

So much about breaking free of the guilt cycle has nothing to do with our actions but everything to do with our MINDSET.

When you find yourself emotionally eating, what are you saying to yourself?

Are you using negative self talk or are you talking to yourself like you're your own best friend? It will feel completely weird at first but speaking to yourself with kindness is SO key in your journey to self love. 

It starts with yourself and you have the power to turn that around in an instant -- so be KIND to yourself. Give yourself grace for not being perfect. Do something for yourself that lights you up -- take a warm bubble bath, read an inspiring book, call your mom.

You are defined by so much more than what you're eating, babe.

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Still struggling with your relationship with food?

Check out these additional resources:

How to Overcome Emotional Eating

Why I refuse to do the Whole 30

The Power of Superfoods 

Cheers to loving ourselves & fueling our bods with amazing food.

Xo Amanda 

Paleo Snickerdoodle Cookies

When Kev and I wanna do something sweet for each other, it often involves food.

A bad day at the office? I cook up a delicious dinner waiting for him when he gets home.

I'm exhausted and wanna sleep in on a Saturday? I wake up to homemade pancakes in bed.

So when he told me he was craving some of my cookies, I decided to create something new for the recipe rolodex and holy shiz, these did not disappoint!

Bonus points? Snickerdoodles are his favorite -- definitely got some major wifey points when he got home last night! 

PALEO SNICKERDOODLE COOKIES

Prep and cook time: 20 mins

INGREDIENTS

1 1/2 cups almond flour

1/4 cup coconut flour

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp coarse sea salt

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/3 coconut oil, melted and cooled

1/8 cup maple syrup

2 tbsp honey

1 egg 

1 tbsp vanilla extract 

FOR THE CINNAMON SUGAR TOPPINGS

1/4 cup coconut sugar

1 tbsp cinnamon 

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 F.

2. In mixing bowl, stir together almond flour, coconut flour, baking powder, cinnamon and sea salt. 

3. In separate bowl, combine coconut oil, maple syrup, honey, egg and vanilla extract and stir until thoroughly combined.

4. In small bowl, create cinnamon sugar by stirring together the coconut sugar and cinnamon.

5. Pour in wet ingredients to dry ingredients and fold together until fully mixed through.

6. Using a spoon, roll a heaping tablespoon of dough into a bowl. Roll each cookie ball into the cinnamon sugar mix until covered.

7. Place on baking sheet and flatten with fingers. 

8. Bake for 8-12 mins until golden brown on edges.

What are your favorite holiday cookies? 

How To Maintain Your Sanity Over the Holidays

 As we head into the holiday season, the inner gremlins and binge eating Amanda of the past starts to get under my skin and truth be told, it's this WEIRD combination of excitement and giddy-ness for the holidays and FEAR of crumbling back into my old ways and starting the cycle over again. 

While I know I've made SO many incredible shifts forward and have been binge free for a year and a half, anyone who has been addicted to something knows that there are triggers that remain, and the holidays have always been a major one for me.

Holidays used to mean daily binges, a shiz ton of negative self worth and an endlessly negative and irritable mindset. 

And this year, I'm determined not to let that happen.

Do the holidays stress you out too?

I'm a routine gal 100% and the second I get out of my day to day structure, I feel a bit like a fish out of water.

The literal change of scenery can derail me and all of a sudden, I feel like I have to bend over backwards for those around me and putting myself and my health first become the last thing I think about.

Workouts go down the drain because I don't want to be "disrespectful" by taking the time to get it in.

I feel like I have to eat the food that's put in front of me, even if it's stuff that makes me feel like shit.

I push my daily self care routines to the side and find my anxiety at an all time high.

Sound familiar?

Heading into the holidays this year, I'm determined to feel my BEST, while taking time to unplug, fully enjoy myself and indulge in the festivities (and wine, duh). 

And I know that means being intentional with how I show up every single day, especially while I'm out of my normal routine.

I hope these tips help you take agency over YOUR holiday season and gets you one step closer to ending the year feeling your freaking BEST.

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TOP 3 TIPS FOR HOW TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY OVER THE HOLIDAY SEASON
 

1. Get your workout in first thing, every damn day

I don't know about you, but I'm a raging bitch when I don't get my workouts in. And when I'm dealing with the added stress of being away from home, dealing with all the family drama (and love!), taking that time for me first thing is SO KEY to keeping my anxiety at bay and starting my day on a positive note.

So set your alarm, lace your shoes up and get your sweat on.

I'm planning on rocking out a 21 day badass at home workout program that doesn't require any equipment and are only 30 minutes in length so I can get it done quick, no matter where I am!
We're in this together!!!!

2. Set boundaries

Unless you have decided to rock the holidays solo this year (in which case, go you!), you are going to be around family a bunch -- and probably some family members you don't see very often and possibly don't get along with.

Setting boundaries around what you will and will not do is huge, and even more than that -- communicating those boundaries to your family is KEY so that they can respect your needs.

For example: When I'm with my in-laws, they know that discussing politics is off the table because we have diametrically opposed beliefs and it does neither of us any good discussing it.

If you experience something similar with your own family but haven't set those boundaries yet, before the holiday season starts, be sure to sit down with your family and explain that you want to have a wonderful time together and that out of respect to you, you ask that they refrain from discussing anything under the political umbrella while you are together.

This goes for anything else that are boundaries for you.

You don't have to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation and just "handle it". You have a voice! So share it and allow the people in your life to rise up.

Setting boundaries is something I only recently started practicing and it's been a complete game changer. I know it can feel scary to put yourself out there and set a boundary with someone else, but I promise you, it is SO empowering to do -- and mutually beneficial! 

Can you imagine a world where we were all clear about our boundaries? Let's start a movement.
 

3. Put time aside for JUST YOU

The best piece of advice I ever received from my coach was to take at least 15-30 minutes a day for time just for ME.

Whether it's getting up early and pouring into my journal or a personal development book or taking my dog for a walk to clear my head, that "me time" is SO important amidst the hustle and bustle of all the social events, dinners and commitments this time of year.

And don't tell me you can't find 15-30 minutes for yourself. Schedule it out if you have to but make it happen. It'll change the game. 

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And there you have it!

Let's rock this holiday season feeling our best.

Are you with me?

Xo Amanda