shame

Episode #110: The Happiest Season? Not So Happy After All | A Solo Episode

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I was so excited to watch this movie. So excited. A holiday rom com center in around a queer couple on a major network AND one with many queer voices and folx behind the scenes? After a long and hard week, I was SO ready to get in my cozies, soak up the Christmas tree and have my big ol’ bi heart feel seen and get into the holiday spirit.

And instead of experiencing the feel good beautiful holiday love story I was so ready to receive, I spent almost the entirety of the movie feeling triggered, angry and frustrated. And also openly weeping because so much of this story depicted aspects of my own journey as a queer and polyamorous human and damn, was it hard for me to watch. 

I deep dive into this at length in todays of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast, but here are the Coles notes (YES I mean Coles and not Cliffs. Y’all Americans took that shit from us Canadians and repurposed it and COLES CAME FIRST BITCHES).

For one — and this is MAJOR and damn am I so tired of it — there were hardly any BIPOC on screen (god forbid a main character — we need to do better) or any representation of body diversity — ‘cause all queer folx are obviously thin *rolls eyes* This movie centered around privilege in more ways than I know how to count and while it’s true that these experiences reflect *some* of the LGBTQ+ experience, it is not the norm BY ANY MEANS. It’s 2020. We need to do better.

Moving beyond those very deeply important things, this movie, as sooo many rom coms have been for years, was, in my opinion (and take that with whatever grain of salt ‘cause I can only ever speak from my own experiences and my understanding of this work from years of therapy and research ‘cause I’m a communication and relationship dynamics nerd), fraught with SO many problematic relationship dynamics: 

To name a few that I speak deeper around in todays episode:

  • intense lack of consent

  • emotional abuse that gets rewarded

  • bullying on SO many levels

  • divorce-shaming

  • homophobic parents who magically change their mind overnight

…and that’s just scratching the surface. 

And that can…all be, I suppose, downplayed because “it’s just a story! aren’t all rom coms or cheesy holiday movies like this?” or “at least there’s representation!” — I stand by this one for sure, and I know many lesbians and LGBTQ+ humans who are grateful for this piece of it so HELL YEAH, at least we got a minor win there. But for gods sake, the LGBTQ+ community is not new. We’ve been around for a fucking LONG time. We’ve been kept in the closet. Navigated so much of the shame and triggering experiences around coming out and it’s exhausting. This movie is, in my opinion, not for the queers — as it has been marketed to us for months. I honestly don’t know who it’s for. 

I’ve spent the last few days speaking with MANY of you in my DMs on Instagram and have been ruminating on my thoughts and after almost a hundred of you asked me to do an episode around my feelings, I knew I needed to turn on the mic. 

So head on over to todays episode of the pod to hear my deeper thoughts and feelings around this, and some personal anecdotes of my own life that I’ve never shared before.

I’d love to hear your thoughts after you listen. We’ll be talking more about this in the NEW Live Your F*ck Yes Life patreon private Facebook group too so if you’re a member (or hop in and become a new member, I’ll see you in there!

And for all of my fellow LGBTQ+ — no matter what your experiences or where you’re at in your own coming out journeys — I see you. I love you. You are so fucking enough. 


LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patreon!

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Virtual Summit — replay access

Episode 100 - This Is Pride: We’re Here and We’re Queer

The Happiest Season on Hulu

Feel Good - watch on Netflix

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 2-3 new coaching clients come Jan 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if it’s a good fit.

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #106: Using Pleasure To Cope With Trauma And Grief - A Conversation with Alyssa Pressman

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Hi loves.

Todays episode is different — you may notice that there’s no typical intro music/snippets — because it didn’t feel right today. This week has been heavy. Hell, this year has been a fucking trip. And I wrestled with the idea of not releasing a podcast episode today — I wasn’t sure how we would be experiencing this post election day time. And when I woke up yesterday morning, in a mix of deep feels/sadness and hope for a brighter future in the US, I knew that this conversation, with a soul human of mine, was one that I needed to share with all of you today.

And with that, I’d like to introduce to you my friend and kindred spirit, Alyssa Pressman (she/her).

Alyssa is a Licensed Clinical Therapist & Certified Sex + Relationship Coach. She specializes in pleasure & joy post trauma, grief & with chronic illness. She loves supporting women in moving closer to themselves, to other people and to creating lives that feel in deep alignment with their unique desires. She is a BRCA1 mutation carrier like me, and a person living with chronic illness and pain. Reaching for joy and pleasure has been deeply healing for her. When not working, you can find her dancing, lounging, reading or cooking, usually scantily clad if not naked. She loves talking, learning and sharing on all things sex, relationships, death, healing & dark nights of the soul-you know, all the super casual things.

I invite you to take this one on a walk outside, or curl up with a cup of tea and absorb these words as a way to get away, for a moment, from the chaos. You are so loved.


Things we discuss in todays episode:

  • Alyssa’s wake up call around a chronic illness that made it impossible to have penetrative sex without serious pain in her younger twenties

  • How her work as a sex & relationship coach started to empower her sexually, in a more wholistic way

  • Pelvic floor struggles

  • BRCA and the other piece of the fear with our mutual diagnosis: ovarian cancer

  • Self pleasure practices & building a relationship with your pussy

  • How to claim your sexuality as your own and experience life changing pleasure

  • Redefining what sex and pleasure is

  • How to talk to your partner(s) around how to have more connected intimacy with one another

  • Boobs, the beauty of being un-partnered, using pleasure as a form of self care and beyond


Episode #102: A Deep Dive Into Relationship Dynamics, Polarity and Embodiment with Madelyn Moon

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I’m so thrilled to welcome Madelyn Moon back to the podcast to have this incredibly potent conversation and discussion. If you’re new to her work, Madelyn Moon is a walking permission slip: committed to radical truth telling in her top 50 ranked podcast, coaching practice and her various teaching platforms.

Her soul, being both really old and quite young at the same time, allows her to access wisdom beyond the present society and catalyze it into digestible, earthy knowledge for modern women and men.

Madelyn is on a spiritual quest to reveal the art of embodying opposite elements across every spectrum: water with fire, mystical with realism, alchemy with presence, alpha with omega, and light with dark. She knows there is no better metamorphosis than that of learning to welcome the entire human experience.

While the shedding of a skin may be a deep process, there is no need to make it so serious. Madelyn believes humor is one of the highest levels of spirituality and is committed to revealing how spirituality can be rich with pleasure, play, sensuality, intimacy and innate freedom.

Her work and story has been featured in hundreds of podcasts as well as various publications such as BBC, The Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, Thought Catalog, Nylon Magazine, The Daily Mail, Vice, Greatist, Men’s Health, PEOPLE and ABC News Nightline. She's hosted the popular Mind Body Musings podcast for six+ years, ranking in the Top-50 of ALL TIME in the U.S. and Great Britain in Self Improvement.

Things we discuss in todays episode:

  • What’s been going on in her world since first coming on in the podcast in season one

  • Separating from control and the art of surrendering

  • Shame surrounding easily falling in love with other humans

  • Love for the sake of love and how we can break free from outdated perspectives of love

  • The beauty and importance of deep diving in the pain while still remaining open

  • What relationship patterns can teach you about yourself

  • How to develop presence

  • Her experience leaving a relationship after she had just moved into a house with him.

  • And all things gene keys, feminine energy, archetypes and beyond.


LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Madelyns’s Instagram | Podcast

Sisu Society: https://maddymoon.teachable.com/p/sisu-society

Free Embodiment Practice: http://maddymoon.com/feminine

Maddy’s Gene Keys episode

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

GET YOUR COPY OF I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS HERE!

Episode #95: When Shame Steers The Wheel | A Solo Episode

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I’ve never outright talked about shame on the podcast. The things we’re ashamed of — those are always the scariest things to talk about, right?

This may be the most in my feels episode I’ve ever pressed publish on in almost 100 episodes. Which scares the mother f*cking shirt out of me. Which is exactly why I knew I needed to share it. So come as you are, bring a cup of tea or head out on a walk, and join me in the feels. Meet me in the mess. And let’s have a conversation about shame.


LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Summit

Brene Brown


WORK WITH AMANDA:

Grab your copy of I Chopped Off My Tits

Connect with Amanda on her Instagram

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — 50 % off right now during the pandemic!

1:1 Mindset Coaching Consult 

Episode #90: What I've Learned About Myself A Month Into Quarantine | A Solo Episode

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How can we use this time to develop a deeper connection to self? Listen to todays episode. I’ve got you.

In this episode, I share about what I’ve learned about myself in a month of quarantine. It’s been a wild and bumpy ride, for all of us. And I’ve had SO many things on my heart that I’ve wanted to share with all of you so this episode was a MUST.

I hope that in sharing my heart, you can hear your heartbeat through these words too and know you’re not alone.


LINKS MENTIONED IN EPISODE:

Grab your copy of I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram

Untamed by Glennon Doyle


WORK WITH AMANDA:

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — 50 % off right now during the pandemic!

1:1 Mindset Coaching Consult

Episode #45: Creating Female Friendships as an Adult, NAVIGATING shame and Living Your Kickass Life with Andrea Owen

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EPISODE SNEAK PEEK


“If you’re engaging in the behaviors of numbing out. If you’re using alcohol or food or exercise or relationships to run away from the feeling and take the edge off. If you’re isolating and hiding out, meaning you don’t reach out for help when shit hits the fan in your life. If you’re perfecting or performing or proving, overachieving, self sabotaging. If you are participating in those behaviors, then you are doing it in an effort to avoid shame. Bottom line. So essentially shame is running your life and you don’t know it.”


Andrea Owen is an author, mentor, and professional certified life coach who helps high-achieving women let go of perfectionism, control, and isolation and choosing courage and confidence instead. She has helped thousands of women manage their inner-critic to create loving connections and live their most kick-ass life.

She is the proud author of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness (Seal Press/Hachette Books) which has been translated into 16 languages, as well as her inaugural book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve, (Adams Media/Simon & Schuster).

When she’s not juggling her full coaching practice or hosting retreats, Andrea is busy competing in triathlons, chasing her 11-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter or making out with her husband, Jason. She is also a retired roller derby player having skated under the name “Veronica Vain”.

Things we discuss in today’s episode:

  • Honey badgers. Yup. We get weird real quick you guys.

  • Her big fetal position breakdown at the age of thirty one

  • How to make friends as an adult

  • Shame, and the way it plays a part in all our lives

  • Breaking free of perfectionism

  • Her journey to sobriety

  • Specific tools to incorporate positive self talk

  • Self care 101

  • Where to start if you feel like you’re life is a MF mess


LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:

Andrea’s Website | Facebook | Instagram

Your Kickass Life Podcast

Honey Badgers

This Naked Mind

Gray area drinking

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Join our community where we chat all things real talk, and you get the inside scoop on guests, a chance to ask questions & be surrounded by a tribe of ladies who GET you!

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @liveyourfuckyeslife or leave a review on itunes to get featured on the podcast! 



Episode #20: Stop putting everyone before yourself without being a dick with Amy E. Smith

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EPISODE SNEAK PEEK


"If I have to choose between other people approving of me or me approving of me, I choose me." 

Amy E. Smith is a certified confidence coach, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Founder of TheJoyJunkie.com, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-love. 

With acute focus on helping people “find their voice”, she is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor and has been a featured expert on Fox 5 San Diego and YourTango.com. 

Here are some things we discuss in todays episode:

  • Her two major quarter life crises and how the song Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson changed the game for her (it's a SUPER juicy story, get ready)
  •  The stress of working for someone else's dream and the path to a NEW light
  • The shit we DON'T say and how that can impact so many aspects of our life (except guess what, we say it on the pod)
  • The evolution of Amy's biz
  • How to say NO without being a dick
  • 3 ways to move away from people pleasing and perfectionism tendencies
  • How to meet animosity and disagreement in a way that will leave you getting what you actually want
  • Flipping the switch on guilt

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE

FREE TRAINING: 7 days to a more MINDFUL and CONFIDENT you

BUSY BABE'S GUIDE TO HEALTHY LIVING

Amy's Instagram 

Freebie: http://thejoyjunkie.com/free

Amy's After Hours Facebook Club

Coaches Training Institute

 

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Join our community where we chat all things real talk, and you get the inside scoop on guests, a chance to ask questions & be surrounded by a tribe of ladies who GET you!

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @liveyourfuckyeslife or leave a review on itunes to get featured on the podcast!