pleasure

Episode #157: Sexual Freedom & Fulfillment after Trauma with Mariah Freya from Beducated

CW: sexual assault, harassment

“Something is wrong with me.” Words I used to think and say out loud all the damn time when I wasn’t feeling turned on enough or when I felt pain during sex or when I started having sex with vulva owners and had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

If only I’d known about how trauma and living in a culture rooted in the patriarchy can impact our own body’s (and thus selves) ability to access our own needs for consent, our own voice and access our own desires.

In todays very raw and incredibly important episode, I’m so honored to be joined by Mariah Freya (she/her), co-founder and CEO of Beducated — the worlds leading online shame free sex education platform — to deep dive into all of this and more.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • our shared experience with sexual trauma and how that has impacted our sex lives and capacity for pleasure

  • cultivating safety in sex

  • Mariah’s dangerous experience in the tantric community

  • how big tech is intentionally getting in the way of shame free sex education

  • dissociation and PTSD responses during / around sex

  • ways to deepen into your pleasure with intention

  • navigating low libido, pelvic floor pain, cults, punk culture and beyond

ALL THINGS BEDUCATED:

Get 50% off yearly pass for Beducated — use code: fuckyes

Best part? You can try ALL Beducated courses for 1 Day FREE! You won’t get charged for the first 24 hours so if it’s not for you, you can cancel :)

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Mariah’s Instagram | Beducated’s Instagram — use code “fuckyes”

NXIVM documentary the Vow

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

Episode #147: We're Here & We're Queer | A Conversation on Fluidity with Kiana Lewis

Photo by: @tonals.corner

How the f*ck do we even begin to feel at home in our queerness, let alone cultivate queer community when we’re starting to come out and own our sexuality?

When I first came out four years ago (this month!), I felt SO damn confused. And SO damn alone. And, to be honest, I often still struggle to feel connected to my queerness beyond my individual self.

Learning from Kiana and, honestly, just watching them live their life so damn connected to her queerness and authenticity has been so liberating for me — and I knew you would all resonate SO strongly with and learn so much from their energy, her story and their lived experience as a queer, and former non monogamous, person.

If you’re new to all things Healing Is Imperfect, Kiana (she/they) is a Black queer twenty something in love with her partner, her friends and her cat. She is a sex educator, pleasure mentor and sex work advocate. They believe in the past, present and future liberation of all people through fighting anti-Blackness, centering the queer and trans community, and connecting to whatever one considers spiritual. Kiana has learned from and is fueled by pleasure activism. She loves dancing, being by bodies of water, analyzing too many things and quoting their favorite TV shows and movies.

Things she highlights and what we talk about in todays episode:

  • their journey doing sex work

  • taking nudes & the safety/fears around sharing our bodies

  • honoring our lineages through the work we do & the way we show up in the world

  • the multiple phases of our coming out journeys

  • how they began to cultivate their local queer community & where you can start with your own journey

  • going from 5 years of non monogamy to monogamy in their current relationship

  • the struggle of dating cis men, navigating the patriarchy, gender expression, identity politics and beyond

CONNECT/WORK WITH KIANA:

Their Instagram @healingisimperfect

1:1 Pleasure Mentoring via The Expansive Group

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Get all your self pleasure & partnered play vibes with Dame pleasure products — AMANDA10

Sexy safer sex practices for all my vulva ownin’ baddies with My Lorals Undies - AMANDA10

@_sagetheflame @queersextherapy

Inventing Anna

It’s About Damn Time

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #115: 30 Things I Would Tell My Twenty Something Year Old Self

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…and the list goes ON on todays very special episode of the podcast when I celebrate turning 30 by sharing thirty things I would tell my twenty something year old self.

I’ve been doing an episode like this since I started the podcast and it’s always my favorite way to celebrate my birthday and take stock of the lessons I’ve learned so I can share them with all of you.

Writing these out, I got really in my feels — le duh, it’s me.

My twenties were a bumpy AF ride — and everything I’ve learned have come from so much:

The moments of celebration, alignment and fierce confidence….from coming out as bi & poly and owning my unique way of loving to publishing a book to getting my preventative double mastectomy to creating a life & businesses that I love and beyond.

And, of course, the moments of shame, overwhelm & not-enoughness…from my eating disorder cycle to navigating panic attacks to having my heart broken…and so many more things that I dive into and share on todays episode of the podcast.

Sending so much love to my younger self and to all of you — we’re all simply doing our best, eh? Let’s keep showing up through all the fears, the feels and, of course, the fucks.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

LIVE YOUR F*CK YES LIFE VIRTUAL SUMMIT TICKETS — SELF LOVE & BODY CONFIDENCE EDITION

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patron!

Youtube version of the podcast

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #106: Using Pleasure To Cope With Trauma And Grief - A Conversation with Alyssa Pressman

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Hi loves.

Todays episode is different — you may notice that there’s no typical intro music/snippets — because it didn’t feel right today. This week has been heavy. Hell, this year has been a fucking trip. And I wrestled with the idea of not releasing a podcast episode today — I wasn’t sure how we would be experiencing this post election day time. And when I woke up yesterday morning, in a mix of deep feels/sadness and hope for a brighter future in the US, I knew that this conversation, with a soul human of mine, was one that I needed to share with all of you today.

And with that, I’d like to introduce to you my friend and kindred spirit, Alyssa Pressman (she/her).

Alyssa is a Licensed Clinical Therapist & Certified Sex + Relationship Coach. She specializes in pleasure & joy post trauma, grief & with chronic illness. She loves supporting women in moving closer to themselves, to other people and to creating lives that feel in deep alignment with their unique desires. She is a BRCA1 mutation carrier like me, and a person living with chronic illness and pain. Reaching for joy and pleasure has been deeply healing for her. When not working, you can find her dancing, lounging, reading or cooking, usually scantily clad if not naked. She loves talking, learning and sharing on all things sex, relationships, death, healing & dark nights of the soul-you know, all the super casual things.

I invite you to take this one on a walk outside, or curl up with a cup of tea and absorb these words as a way to get away, for a moment, from the chaos. You are so loved.


Things we discuss in todays episode:

  • Alyssa’s wake up call around a chronic illness that made it impossible to have penetrative sex without serious pain in her younger twenties

  • How her work as a sex & relationship coach started to empower her sexually, in a more wholistic way

  • Pelvic floor struggles

  • BRCA and the other piece of the fear with our mutual diagnosis: ovarian cancer

  • Self pleasure practices & building a relationship with your pussy

  • How to claim your sexuality as your own and experience life changing pleasure

  • Redefining what sex and pleasure is

  • How to talk to your partner(s) around how to have more connected intimacy with one another

  • Boobs, the beauty of being un-partnered, using pleasure as a form of self care and beyond

photos by Kyle Wilson , Zeke D and Cam Frontain