trauma

Episode #157: Sexual Freedom & Fulfillment after Trauma with Mariah Freya from Beducated

CW: sexual assault, harassment

“Something is wrong with me.” Words I used to think and say out loud all the damn time when I wasn’t feeling turned on enough or when I felt pain during sex or when I started having sex with vulva owners and had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

If only I’d known about how trauma and living in a culture rooted in the patriarchy can impact our own body’s (and thus selves) ability to access our own needs for consent, our own voice and access our own desires.

In todays very raw and incredibly important episode, I’m so honored to be joined by Mariah Freya (she/her), co-founder and CEO of Beducated — the worlds leading online shame free sex education platform — to deep dive into all of this and more.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • our shared experience with sexual trauma and how that has impacted our sex lives and capacity for pleasure

  • cultivating safety in sex

  • Mariah’s dangerous experience in the tantric community

  • how big tech is intentionally getting in the way of shame free sex education

  • dissociation and PTSD responses during / around sex

  • ways to deepen into your pleasure with intention

  • navigating low libido, pelvic floor pain, cults, punk culture and beyond

ALL THINGS BEDUCATED:

Get 50% off yearly pass for Beducated — use code: fuckyes

Best part? You can try ALL Beducated courses for 1 Day FREE! You won’t get charged for the first 24 hours so if it’s not for you, you can cancel :)

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Mariah’s Instagram | Beducated’s Instagram — use code “fuckyes”

NXIVM documentary the Vow

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

Episode #132: What Healing Really Looks Like | A Conversation with Dana Christy

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TW: eating disorder cycles, bullying, queer shame, the holocaust, rape

When I was thinking about how I wanted to start this season, I knew I couldn’t get into any conversation and bring anyone on before speaking to the deepest thread of my personal life these last few months and since the end of season 5. Which is why I am so excited to share this conversation and human with you.

Dana Christy (they/she) — to me — is before anything, one of my deepest personal healers & someone I am grateful to call a friend. To the rest of the world, they are a queer and trauma informed certified Shiatsu practitioner, licensed Massage Therapist, and therapeutic yoga practitioner under the umbrella of her wellness practice WellSpring Healing Arts.

Dana studied bodywork and East Asian Medicine at Zen Shiatsu Chicago and earned yoga teaching certifications for children and adults with Global Family Yoga and Yogaview. Dana specializes in working with trauma, autoimmune conditions, chronic illness, and the LGBTQIAP+ community.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • The various roles we play in our day to day life

  • What I’ve been navigating within my own healing journey the last year

  • Chronic pain / symptoms

  • How to even begin to come home to your body

  • The bullshit narrative of healing in our culture today

  • The “healed people heal people” trend on Tik tok and why we hate it

  • WTF trauma even is

  • Yeast infections, queer shame, recovery, simple & accessible healing tools and beyond

Episode #123: I Spent Years Hiding | A Solo Episode

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In todays solo episode, Amanda candidly shares about her pattern of hiding — something she’s been actively working on in therapy for the past few years.

She deep dives into the ways in which she’s hidden in her life — via her years of eating disorder cycles, hiding her goofy self because of her years of being bullied all the way to hiding her sexuality and propensity to polyamory.

Wanna know how to fully embody your fuck yes self? Breaking the pattern of hiding is a crucial step. So let’s deep dive into this emotionally raw episode and bring the tissues — you may need them. She certainly did.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patron!

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session

Youtube version of this episode

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #122: Breaking Down Attachment Styles with Jessica Fern

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I’ve been wanting to have a conversation around attachment theory and the various attachment styles on the podcast for a long time, and I knew as soon as I started reading Polysecure that I needed to have Jessica on to break it all down.

Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Non Monogamy. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Her work as a psychotherapist and what led her to focusing on attachment styles and polyamory

  • The four different types of attachment

  • Her perspective around identifying with our attachment styles versus the way to approach the path to building secure attachments

  • Ethical non monogamy and polyamory

  • How we develop our individual attachment styles

  • How to develop secure attachments in ethically non monogamous relationships

  • The difference between a secure base and a safe haven

  • The HEARTS action steps, stepping off the relationship escalator, evolution & growth and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

School of Fears, Feels & Fucks

Video version of the podcast

Buy Jessica’s book: Polysecure

Jessica’s website

Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #120: Let's Talk Polyamory | A Conversation Around Fear of Replacement with My Husband

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In todays episode of our “Let’s Talk Polyamory” series of the podcast, we deep dive into all things fear of abandonment and replacement. Todays topic really hits close to home for both of us, in very different ways. And it seems to hit close to home to many of you as well — next to jealousy, this has been our most requested conversation!

Tune in to todays episode to hear all about:

  • how we’ve navigated these fears pre polyamory

  • specifics around how we’ve struggled with these fears in wildly unique ways

  • how attachment theory plays into this

  • where this fear really stems from

  • Amanda gets vulnerable AF about some of her experiences that have led to her feeling more of these feelings in the last year

  • why we attract people into our lives that amplify our fears

  • tools that have supported us while navigating fear of being replaced or abandoned and beyond

Episode #109: Looking Back on My Three Year Journey With BRCA | A Solo Episode

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When I saw that December 3rd 2020 fell on a Thursday — the same day a podcast has dropped into your earbuds almost every day barring season breaks for the last (almost) 3 years, I knew that the Universe knew what was up.

This date will forever go down in history as a reminder of me navigating my preventative double mastectomy for two reasons:

1) On December 3rd, 2018, I went under the knife and had my surgery.

2) On December 3rd, 2019, I released my book I Chopped Off My Tits into the world.

So when I was thinking about how to honor what this day means to me, and, really, what the last almost 3 years of sifting through the fears and feels around all things BRCA — I thought it would be pretty epic to go back to when it all began: February 6th, 2018, two days after my 27th birthday, when I got the call from my doctor that I was, in fact, positive for the BRCA 1 gene and travel through time together via the podcast and my book and current real time expressions.

Fear? Working through the feels? Sifting through anything that impacts our mental health, physical health, relationships, work, sex lives and beyond? It can feel OVERWHELMING AF. Especially because we’re endlessly taught that we need to have our shit together through the mess. The shoulds can be so f*cking suffocating. I know because I was there, love.

And I hope this episode reminds you that no matter what you’re facing, you’re not alone in the mess. I’ve got you. The Live Your F*ck yes community has you. So curl up and let’s go on this journey together.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

GET YOUR COPY OF I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS HERE!

Episode 6

Episode 44

Episode 78

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

1:1 coaching — I am accepting 2-3 new coaching clients come Jan 2021. Apply here to set up a call to see if we’re a good fit.

Episode #106: Using Pleasure To Cope With Trauma And Grief - A Conversation with Alyssa Pressman

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Hi loves.

Todays episode is different — you may notice that there’s no typical intro music/snippets — because it didn’t feel right today. This week has been heavy. Hell, this year has been a fucking trip. And I wrestled with the idea of not releasing a podcast episode today — I wasn’t sure how we would be experiencing this post election day time. And when I woke up yesterday morning, in a mix of deep feels/sadness and hope for a brighter future in the US, I knew that this conversation, with a soul human of mine, was one that I needed to share with all of you today.

And with that, I’d like to introduce to you my friend and kindred spirit, Alyssa Pressman (she/her).

Alyssa is a Licensed Clinical Therapist & Certified Sex + Relationship Coach. She specializes in pleasure & joy post trauma, grief & with chronic illness. She loves supporting women in moving closer to themselves, to other people and to creating lives that feel in deep alignment with their unique desires. She is a BRCA1 mutation carrier like me, and a person living with chronic illness and pain. Reaching for joy and pleasure has been deeply healing for her. When not working, you can find her dancing, lounging, reading or cooking, usually scantily clad if not naked. She loves talking, learning and sharing on all things sex, relationships, death, healing & dark nights of the soul-you know, all the super casual things.

I invite you to take this one on a walk outside, or curl up with a cup of tea and absorb these words as a way to get away, for a moment, from the chaos. You are so loved.


Things we discuss in todays episode:

  • Alyssa’s wake up call around a chronic illness that made it impossible to have penetrative sex without serious pain in her younger twenties

  • How her work as a sex & relationship coach started to empower her sexually, in a more wholistic way

  • Pelvic floor struggles

  • BRCA and the other piece of the fear with our mutual diagnosis: ovarian cancer

  • Self pleasure practices & building a relationship with your pussy

  • How to claim your sexuality as your own and experience life changing pleasure

  • Redefining what sex and pleasure is

  • How to talk to your partner(s) around how to have more connected intimacy with one another

  • Boobs, the beauty of being un-partnered, using pleasure as a form of self care and beyond

Episode #82: Breaking the Highlight Reel & Normalizing Conversations Around Mental Health with Sophie Gray

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Sophie Gray is the founder of DiveThru, a guided journaling app that features guided journaling exercises that help you DiveThru what you go thru. She is also the host of the SophieThinksThoughts podcast and reaches an audience of 400,000 across her social media channels.

Sophie has been named Greatist’s 100 Most Influential People in Health & Wellness three years in a row. Her work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, People, Refinery29, Marie Claire, Self, and many more.

Things we talk about in today’s episode:

  • Sophie’s story around going viral in her past life as a fitness influencer on Instagram

  • Her big mental health breakdown that changed everything

  • Showing up authentically online

  • Journaling as a tool for self awareness and accessing your true self

  • How to move away from debilitating anxiety

  • Her company DiveThru and how you can use the app for your life every day

  • Thin privilege, our feelings around the word influencer, our Canadian pride and CEO vibes and beyond!

Episode #81: Twenty Nine Lessons I Learned in This Past Year | A Solo Birthday Edition Episode

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Happy start to season 4 of the podcast!!

Before I deep dove into all the juicy content coming your way this season (AND BREAKING OPEN SOME TOPICS THAT WE HAVE NEVER COVERED ON THE POD), I wanted to share my heart with all of you and go back to my annual birthday tradition of sharing all of the lessons I’ve learned in the past year! 2019 was a BIG one my friends.

Spoiler alert: I get super emotional on today’s episode. What’s new.

Welcome to the mess, the shifts, the joy and all the in-between!

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • The intense awakening I’ve had in the last 3 months and what I’ve been up to since the end of season three

  • 29 lessons I learned in my 29 years on this earth

  • We cover things from relationships to identity to personal growth to health and beyond!

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:

Teami blends — use code LYFYL for 20% at checkout!

GET YOUR COPY OF I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS HERE!

If/Then the musical

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on Itunes!

WORK WITH AMANDA:

UNAPOLOGETICALLY CONFIDENT COURSE

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership

Episode #78: I Chopped Off My Tits | A Solo Episode

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This week marks the year anniversary of my preventative double mastectomy.

And it also marks the launch of my new book, I Chopped Off My Tits.

It’s been a pretty surreal time in my life and I’ve been spending so much of it in reflection, and I wanted to share my heart with you all this week around what the last year has meant to me, where I’m at now and what I’ve learned most around fear, trauma, hard AF decisions and vulnerability.

Warning: I get super teary eyed on this one.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for taking this journey with me.

I love you all more than I can say.

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

GET YOUR COPY OF I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS HERE!

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on Itunes!

WORK WITH AMANDA:

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership

Book a consult for 1:1 work in emotional/binge eating and mindset

Episode #75: Sex Addiction, Shame and Learning To Love Yourself with Ashley Beaudin

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Ashley Beaudin is an inspirational speaker, hug-dealer and the visionary of The Imperfect Boss; a movement that is making imperfect normal and inspiring tens of thousands of creative women to grow their confidence. Ashley is passionate about seeing people show up fully as themselves and lead through their gifts, message, and presence.

Things we talk about in today’s episode:

  • TRIGGER WARNING: Ashley has a history of abuse and we discuss some of her journey with sexual trauma so if that’s a triggering thing for you, you may want to skip this week’s episode.

  • How entrepreneurship and creating the Imperfect Boss launched her into feeling seen, worthy and loved.

  • Her journey with online sex addiction as a virgin

  • Where we so often derive our self worth from and how it’s so MF backwards

  • How to embrace our imperfections

  • Also, we get weird AF as per the usual and embrace our mutual Canadian-ness. Giddy up.


LINKS MENTIONED

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — Use code LYFYL for 10%

GET ON THE I CHOPPED OFF YOUR TITS VIP BOOK LIST

Ashleys’s Instagram | Website

The Imperfect Boss

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Connect with Amanda on Instagram

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on itunes!

Episode #72: Double Mastectomy Updates & Where I'm At Now With the BRCA Gene | A Solo Episode

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So many of you have sent in requests for an in depth update about how I’m doing post double mastectomy and where I’m at with my journey with BRCA — so ask and ye shall receive!

I dig into this way more indepth in my book — which is launching December 3rd, 2019 and I read an excerpt from it for the FIRST TIME IN TODAY’S EPISODE! You heard it here first sistah.

But in the meantime, here is the good, the bad, the ugly — the UPDATE.

You are not alone love. I’m in your corner, always.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:

GET ON THE I CHOPPED OFF YOUR TITS VIP BOOK LIST

Work with Amanda:

Join Amanda’s Email list

Book a consult for 1:1 work in emotional/binge eating and mindset

Join Amanda’s fitness community

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on Itunes!

Episode #45: Creating Female Friendships as an Adult, NAVIGATING shame and Living Your Kickass Life with Andrea Owen

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EPISODE SNEAK PEEK

“If you’re engaging in the behaviors of numbing out. If you’re using alcohol or food or exercise or relationships to run away from the feeling and take the edge off. If you’re isolating and hiding out, meaning you don’t reach out for help when shit hits the fan in your life. If you’re perfecting or performing or proving, overachieving, self sabotaging. If you are participating in those behaviors, then you are doing it in an effort to avoid shame. Bottom line. So essentially shame is running your life and you don’t know it.”

Andrea Owen is an author, mentor, and professional certified life coach who helps high-achieving women let go of perfectionism, control, and isolation and choosing courage and confidence instead. She has helped thousands of women manage their inner-critic to create loving connections and live their most kick-ass life.

She is the proud author of How To Stop Feeling Like Shit: 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back From Happiness (Seal Press/Hachette Books) which has been translated into 16 languages, as well as her inaugural book, 52 Ways to Live a Kick-Ass Life: BS Free Wisdom to Ignite Your Inner Badass and Live the Life You Deserve, (Adams Media/Simon & Schuster).

When she’s not juggling her full coaching practice or hosting retreats, Andrea is busy competing in triathlons, chasing her 11-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter or making out with her husband, Jason. She is also a retired roller derby player having skated under the name “Veronica Vain”.

Things we discuss in today’s episode:

  • Honey badgers. Yup. We get weird real quick you guys.

  • Her big fetal position breakdown at the age of thirty one

  • How to make friends as an adult

  • Shame, and the way it plays a part in all our lives

  • Breaking free of perfectionism

  • Her journey to sobriety

  • Specific tools to incorporate positive self talk

  • Self care 101

  • Where to start if you feel like you’re life is a MF mess

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:

Andrea’s Website | Facebook | Instagram

Your Kickass Life Podcast

Honey Badgers

This Naked Mind

Gray area drinking

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Join our community where we chat all things real talk, and you get the inside scoop on guests, a chance to ask questions & be surrounded by a tribe of ladies who GET you!

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @liveyourfuckyeslife or leave a review on itunes to get featured on the podcast! 



Episode #44: What It's Like To Get a Double Mastectomy At the Age of 27 | A Solo Episode

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EPISODE SNEAK PEEK

“I lost an entire six hours of my day. One minute I was holding my husbands finger and the next minute I was blinking half awake in the ICU saying I was nauseous.”

Happy season 2 my Live Your F*ck Yes Lifers!

Holy balls, it’s good to be back. I’ve missed you guys.

Season 2 is about to be incredible so hold onto your hats — the lineup of conversations are seriously so juicy and amazing and I can’t wait for you guys to hear them.

But before we get there, I thought it was only fitting to kick off the start of season 2 with the true tell all about my preventative double mastectomy and what it’s really been like.

So many of you have been asking about the nitty gritty deets so today, we get into all of that and more.


Things I cover in today’s episode.

  • Navigating trauma and facing your fears head on

  • Fears I had heading into surgery, body dysmorphia and sex

  • Breast cancer awareness, the BRCA gene, major surgery

  • What I did to prep for it

  • The nitty gritty of my personal choices

  • What recovery has really looked like

Episode #17: Healing through the trauma and finding the light with Hanna Bier

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EPISODE SNEAK PEEK

"I vowed to myself to make a choice. I did not expect to have a reason to live, because the truth was: I did not. But at that moment, I decided I had nothing to lose." 

Hanna Bier helps creative entrepreneurs, artists and do-gooders feel good in their own skin and confidently create the beautiful lives and fulfilling careers they've always wanted. She offers 1:1 coaching, e-courses and soulful podcast episodes for kind creatives who don't know how to achieve the success they desire (yet). Hanna is a Soulful Success Coach, Energy Healer, Family Constellation Therapist and a Priestess of the Divine Feminine. She runs the podcast 'Mystics On A Mission Show' and currently lives in Amsterdam, Netherlands.

Here are a few things we touch on in todays episode:

  • Her long history with trauma, sexual abuse and struggles in her childhood years
  • The moment that changed everything for her
  • The path out of trauma and into the light
  • Family constellation therapy and energy healing
  • How our past and family history can greatly inform our personal patterns in our lives
  • Goddess archetypes
  • Her newfound love for stand up comedy

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE

BUSY BABE'S GUIDE TO HEALTHY LIVING

Hanna's Website / Instagram 

Freebie: The Soulful Success Formula

Books recommended: The Gaia Codex by Sarah Drew and Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley 

Hanna's Pinterest Board

 

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Join our community where we chat all things real talk, and you get the inside scoop on guests, a chance to ask questions & be surrounded by a tribe of ladies who GET you!

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @liveyourfuckyeslife or leave a review on itunes to get featured on the podcast! 

photos by Kyle Wilson , Zeke D and Cam Frontain