Live Your F*ck Yes life

Episode #154: Is Hierarchy In Relationships Ethical? Let's F*cking Talk About It.

Is hierarchy in relationships ethical? A very important question that folks in non monogamous and monogamous relationships alike have been asking and unpacking and holy balls, do we have a lot to say about this subject.

I’ve had a WILD ride when it comes to hierarchy in relationships since I was in high school. Although I didn’t have the language at the time (and internal knowing and understanding that I could exist in any other ways), I’ve always been a queer, ambiamorous, demisexual relationship anarchist. AND I also externally looked like I was existing in and choosing a wildly heteronormative, “traditional” relationship that appeared very hierarchical. And yet, it wasn’t that at all.

Today, we talk about, simply, if hierarchical relationships are ethical.

Hint: (you guessed it), my answer is clear and also nuanced, ‘cause there are so many systems and structures in place in western society that makes this answer much more complicated than a hard YES or NO.

And, as always, I share what experiences I navigated in rectifying with these things in my own personal unlearning process around all things toxic monogamy culture, the patriarchy, heteronormativity and beyond. Let’s get the f*ck into it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon — donate to support the pod, content etc.

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #132: What Healing Really Looks Like | A Conversation with Dana Christy

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TW: eating disorder cycles, bullying, queer shame, the holocaust, rape

When I was thinking about how I wanted to start this season, I knew I couldn’t get into any conversation and bring anyone on before speaking to the deepest thread of my personal life these last few months and since the end of season 5. Which is why I am so excited to share this conversation and human with you.

Dana Christy (they/she) — to me — is before anything, one of my deepest personal healers & someone I am grateful to call a friend. To the rest of the world, they are a queer and trauma informed certified Shiatsu practitioner, licensed Massage Therapist, and therapeutic yoga practitioner under the umbrella of her wellness practice WellSpring Healing Arts.

Dana studied bodywork and East Asian Medicine at Zen Shiatsu Chicago and earned yoga teaching certifications for children and adults with Global Family Yoga and Yogaview. Dana specializes in working with trauma, autoimmune conditions, chronic illness, and the LGBTQIAP+ community.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • The various roles we play in our day to day life

  • What I’ve been navigating within my own healing journey the last year

  • Chronic pain / symptoms

  • How to even begin to come home to your body

  • The bullshit narrative of healing in our culture today

  • The “healed people heal people” trend on Tik tok and why we hate it

  • WTF trauma even is

  • Yeast infections, queer shame, recovery, simple & accessible healing tools and beyond

Episode #131: What Living My F*ck Yes Life Means To Me Now

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Happy start to season 6, my Live Your F*ck Yes Lifers.

It always brings up so much gratitude for me when I kick off a new season of the podcast, and this one is no different.

As always, on this podcast, we tackle taboo subjects that aren’t spoken to very often. And we’re going in that space this season, DEEP. And I ask that you come in, as always, with an open heart and mind. Create space in yourself to learn and be curious. This is how we grow beyond our wildest dreams, my loves. Let’s do the damn thing.

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • The mess of being a MF human

  • The light & the darkness and everything in between

  • Where the podcast is moving from now on / what to expect moving forward

  • The things I’ve navigated over the course of the last 3 years

  • Coming home to yourself

  • Change & evolution & full circles and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Polyam / ENM peer support sessions

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #122: Breaking Down Attachment Styles with Jessica Fern

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I’ve been wanting to have a conversation around attachment theory and the various attachment styles on the podcast for a long time, and I knew as soon as I started reading Polysecure that I needed to have Jessica on to break it all down.

Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Non Monogamy. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Her work as a psychotherapist and what led her to focusing on attachment styles and polyamory

  • The four different types of attachment

  • Her perspective around identifying with our attachment styles versus the way to approach the path to building secure attachments

  • Ethical non monogamy and polyamory

  • How we develop our individual attachment styles

  • How to develop secure attachments in ethically non monogamous relationships

  • The difference between a secure base and a safe haven

  • The HEARTS action steps, stepping off the relationship escalator, evolution & growth and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

School of Fears, Feels & Fucks

Video version of the podcast

Buy Jessica’s book: Polysecure

Jessica’s website

Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #118: Let's Talk Polyamory | A Conversation Around Jealousy With My Husband

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Ever since coming out as polyamorous, I’ve gotten SO many DMs and messages with really incredible questions from all of you. So I decided to do a special polyamory series of the podcast, and bring on my husband Kevan every week to talk about the biggest questions, fears & beyond that we receive to speak to these topics in a deeper way.

The number one question I get? How do you navigate jealousy?

So today, we break down our personal experiences around jealousy, what’s worked for us and the biggest tools that have supported us in navigating jealousy when moving from a monogamous framework to a polyamorous one.

This episode is a deep one (and one for you no matter how you choose to do relationships ‘cause we all experience jealousy to a certain degree, eh?)

So buckle up and let’s f*cking go!

Episode #112: New Year, New You? I Call Bullsh*t | A Solo Episode

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Anyone else feel overwhelmed AF this time of year?

We’re already bombarded with messaging about “try this thing and you’ll magically be happy and healthy and madly in love with yourself” throughout the year, and this time of year, it comes out in MF intensity.

I know your heart is endlessly seeking growth. Self awareness. Self Love. Healing. I’m right there with you, love.

But I also know where the magic of that path lies…and it’s NOT in that new diet, workout program, business coach, new career path, meditation app and beyond.

In todays episode, I’m sharing with you my tried & true practices as I step into a new year/season with intention in the way that nobody wants to talk about because it’s not gonna sell the big bucks and isn’t easily marketable. The inner reflection work that ACTUALLY sets you up to step into your unique magic and embody YOUR f*ck yes self.

‘Cause you MF deserve to feel true self acceptance, health, joy, and wholeness.

Let’s f*cking go, shall we?

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patreon!

You Are Magic Banner Shop

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients come Jan 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if it’s a good fit.

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #105: All Things Polyamory Q&A | A Conversation With My Husband

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Is monogamy the only way to build a conscious, loving and lifelong relationship?

I used to believe it was the only way. But as you know, as I shared in episode 101, after 8 years together, we moved away from the monogamous framework and stepped into the ethical non monogamous space two years ago.

I know that people have MANY strong feelings around this (and it makes sense! Monogamy is what our society is built around and I definitely had my fair share of concerns and shame spiral around even the thought of considering it for years before we moved in that direction), and I’ve been getting LOADS of questions in my Instagram DMs so I decided to bring on a super special guest — my incredibly goofy and wonderful husband — to dig into what our unique journey into polyamory has looked like.

We are certainly not experts when it comes to polyamory, ethical non monogamy or relationships — you can listen to a bunch of previous podcast episodes around relationships, sex and beyond from the experts — but I do think that almost 10 years of going through the shit with a human entitles us to have some shit to say that’s worth sharing. And hell, we are certainly experts on OUR unique individual experiences in the world of ethical non monogamy and polyamory.

And today on the podcast, we deep dive into some pretty dense topics around relationship longevity, health and beyond and I am THE MOST excited to share this conversation with you all.

Things we discuss on todays episode:

  • My husband’s unique perspective around why polyamory and ENM feels aligned for him

  • How we opened the door to transition from YEARS of monogamy and how we ended up identifying as polyamorous

  • The difference between affairs/cheating and non monogamy

  • The multiple umbrellas of non monogamy: swinging, polyamory etc.

  • Attraction and relationship preferences are a spectrum as much as sexuality & gender is

  • A deep dive into some of the ups and downs of this journey, both as individuals and as a couple

  • ENM terms like unicorn hunting, triad vs. throuple, nesting/anchor partner, non hierarchical vs. hierarchical polyamory

  • Navigating jealousy and insecurities we’ve both experienced in our journey

  • Boundaries, communication and agreements & the path to figure that shit out being MESSY AF

  • All things fantasy/kink, how polyamory isn’t really so different than monogamy, ridiculous banter between the two of us and so much more.

Episode #101: I'm Coming Out...Again | A Solo Episode

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Happy start to season 5 of the podcast!!

It’s fucking hard to believe we’re already 5 seasons in — can you believe it?

And we are kicking things off with a deep dive into an area of my personal self and my identity that I have yet to share publicly. It is something that has felt a long time coming and I’m so excited and ready to share about this part of myself.

So yeah, I’m coming out. Again. Big time.

As always, on this podcast, we tackle taboo subjects that aren’t spoken to very often. And we’re going in that space this season, DEEP. And I ask that you come in, as always, with an open heart and mind. Create space in yourself to learn and be curious. This is how we grow beyond our wildest dreams, my loves. Let’s do the damn thing.

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • How the podcast is evolving as we head into this new season

  • My fear in sharing this aspect of myself with you all

  • What it means to live as my fullest unapologetic, fuck yes self

  • Navigating rejection for being who you are (by others and by your own self!)

  • Ownership and toxic programming in relationships

  • Ethical non monogamy, polyamory, self discovery and beyond!

Episode #83: Is Change Really So Bad? My Awakening In The Last Six Months | A Solo Episode

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For so long, I viewed change as a bad thing. Something to fear. Steer clear from.

Have you felt that way too?

It can be so terrifying to rise up into our full potential and make shifts in our life, even when we know we need to. And so often, we let that fear hold us back from taking any action and instead, we tell ourselves why we’re not good enough and self sabotage from moving in that direction.

I have been doing so much transformative work on myself the last six months — work I NEVER imagined possible and have had A F*CK TON of realizations, aha moments and a full and complete coming home to myself in a way I never imagined possible.

I had planned something completely different for today’s episode, but this has been so on my heart and I am finally ready to share with all of you my complete and utter awakening that has taken place the last few months. And I’ll be honest — I’m really scared to share this piece of my heart. It’s probably the most vulnerable I have ever been on the podcast. But that’s what living your f*ck yes life is to me.

More in this week’s episode my loves. Grab a cup of coffee or tea and come join me for this one.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE:

Teami blends — use code LYFYL for 20% at checkout!

GET YOUR COPY OF I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS HERE!

Inward by Yung Pueblo

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on Itunes!

WORK WITH AMANDA:

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — use code LYFYL at checkout for 10% off as a podcast listener!

1:1 Mindset Coaching Consult

photos by Kyle Wilson , Zeke D and Cam Frontain