relationship escalator

Episode #151: Let's Talk Relationship Anarchy | A Conversation With Abby Rosmarin

You’ve asked for an entire episode on all things relationship anarchy and I’m so stoked to be kicking off the conversation and deep dive into all things relationship anarchy with the one person that’s made me feel the most seen by sharing their lived experience as a demisexual relationship anarchist who has been in polyamorous and monogamous dynamics alike : Abby Rosmarin aka my mutual and friend on Tik Tok (and in real life) @notjennifergarner

Abby (she/they) is a writer, content creator, mental health professional, trauma-informed yoga instructor, and former commercial model. She is the author of 7 books, including the Amazon Bestseller The Ballerina's Guide to Boxing. She is also known as NotJenniferGarner on TikTok, where she has amassed nearly half a million followers. Abby is also getting her Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling.

This conversation felt like a warm hug to my heart, and I know it will feel that way for you too. So cozy up with us and let’s fucking go baby!

Things highlighted in todays episode:

  • what relationship anarchy is / means to both Abby and Amanda

  • relationship anarchy being occasionally equated to abuse

  • autonomy being falsely equated with lack of accountability

  • nuance is everything

  • ways to tangibly live out relationship anarchist values

  • platonic partners, hierarchy, comp het and comp monogamy, intention and beyond

CONNECT WITH ABBY:

Abby’s Instagram | Tik Tok | Patreon

Buy Abby’s Books

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Relationship Anarchy Manifesto

Relationship libertarian

Episode 145 : Abuse in Non Monogamy

Crony Capitalism

Amanda’s Fuck Yes Relationship Manifesto

Multiamory

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Fucking Queer Merch

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join her email list for very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #142: You Can F*cking Choose The Way You Do Relationships, And It’s Epic

Confused AF about what kind of relationship model you actually want because all you’ve ever been taught is monogamy or bust? And even THEN, monogamy has soooo much variability from person to person around expectations, needs, what the relationship feels like/looks like, boundaries etc?

Amanda was too.

We aren’t taught this shit. We’re just thrown into the world to figure it out by the seat of our pants, so she’s popping into your earbuds today to talk about just what your options really are, so you can move through your relationships and life decisions from a place that is rooted in your unique values, desires and needs.

Things she talks about in todays episode:

  • A breakdown of the different relationship models, from Monogamy to Relationship Anarchy (all along her Fuck Yes Relationship Model scale) — go to @amandkatherineloy on Instagram for the visual to follow along

  • What model she feels most particularly aligned with

  • The importance of knowing your values

  • How to communicate with your partners so you can have aligned expectations

Episode #135: WTF Should We Need & Expect Of Our Partners | A Conversation with Gabrielle Stone

You loved her the last time she was here and she’s BACK!

Gabrielle Stone (she/her), a fan favorite on the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast, makes no secret about her past with toxic relationships & a cheating MF of an ex husband. And she’s shared it all in her best selling books and on her podcast and beyond. I’ve been having a lot of conversations in my DMs and with friends about the expectations and needs we place on our partners and, given that I am polyamorous and inherently bring that bias and lens to any conversation around relationships, I wanted to bring on someone who consciously chooses monogamy to have this conversation with and knew that Gabrielle was the gal to call upon.

Things we talk about on this episode:

  • conversations we’ve had with our friends around the important things in relationships

  • our shared need to be seen, loved and championed for who we are

  • how societal norms have informed our paths in relationship dynamics & choices

  • the importance of communication

  • the BS narrative that healing can only happen when we’re single

  • the lessons we can take from the relationships we’ve had and have

  • the idea “soulmate” or “the one”

  • Amanda’s constellation way of viewing her relationships

  • the needs & expectations we have in our romantic partnerships

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Summit: Non Monogamy & Polyamory

Gabrielle’s Instagram

The Ridiculous Misadventures of A Single Girl

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy Culture

Episode 125: Eat, Pray, #FML with Gabrielle Stone

FML Talk: F%ck Polyamory

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer Support Sessions

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Become a Patreon of the podcast

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #122: Breaking Down Attachment Styles with Jessica Fern

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I’ve been wanting to have a conversation around attachment theory and the various attachment styles on the podcast for a long time, and I knew as soon as I started reading Polysecure that I needed to have Jessica on to break it all down.

Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Non Monogamy. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Her work as a psychotherapist and what led her to focusing on attachment styles and polyamory

  • The four different types of attachment

  • Her perspective around identifying with our attachment styles versus the way to approach the path to building secure attachments

  • Ethical non monogamy and polyamory

  • How we develop our individual attachment styles

  • How to develop secure attachments in ethically non monogamous relationships

  • The difference between a secure base and a safe haven

  • The HEARTS action steps, stepping off the relationship escalator, evolution & growth and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

School of Fears, Feels & Fucks

Video version of the podcast

Buy Jessica’s book: Polysecure

Jessica’s website

Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #116: Normalizing Ethical Non Monogamy | A Conversation With Gabrielle Smith

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I am so excited to share this conversation with one of my favorite humans who advocates for all things ethical non monogamy: the one and only Gabrielle Smith.

Gabrielle Smith (she/her) is a Brooklyn-based sex and relationship writer. She specializes in looking at ethical non-monogamy, LGBTQ+ topics, mental health and sex-positivity from an intersectional standpoint. Her work has appeared in publications like SELF, Cosmopolitan, Greatist, Insider, Bitch Media and various others. She provides resources about ethical non-monogamy on her Instagram @bygabriellesmith.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Gabrielles journey to ethical non monogamy

  • The importance of non sexual life partners

  • Why capitalism and the nuclear family has created a problematic foundation

  • Solo polyamory

  • The joy of the “choose your own adventure” way of doing relationships

  • Dating anecdotes as a bisexual woman

  • Her experience of being a black woman in the polyamorous/ENM space

  • Kink, sexual liberation, emotional intelligence and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

LIVE YOUR F*CK YES LIFE VIRTUAL SUMMIT TICKETS — SELF LOVE & BODY CONFIDENCE EDITION

Video version of the podcast

Gabrielles Instagram

Gabrielles article: My Dating Life Does Not Define My Blackness

Love Is Not Color Blind

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

photos by Kyle Wilson , Zeke D and Cam Frontain