ethical non monogamy

Episode #143: Let’s Talk Solo Polyamory with Jayda Shuavarnnnasri

After our last episode on the various relationship models, it felt only fitting to expand on the relationship model that I know most folks are usually either very intrigued and excited by or absolutely terrified about considering — and that is: solo polyamory.

I am not a solo polyamorous person. Never have been, and given my personal values and needs (and inherent biases and privileges), I likely will never choose to intentionally step into that path. But I know that it resonates HARD for many folks, and I knew this conversation that I had with Jayda in May 2021 for a workshop, that she consented to sharing on todays episode of the podcast with all of you, was gonna rock your world as much as it did.

Jayda Shuavarnnnasri (she/they) is a queer Southeast Asian sexuality & relationship educator and trauma-sensitive facilitator. Also known as Sex Positive Asian Auntie, she works to liberate folks from sexual shame by creating space for authentic conversations about sexuality, relationships, identity and healing. The topics that excite her most are sexual exploration, identity, transformative justice, and non-conventional relationships. 

Things she highlights & talks about in todays episode:

  • Curiosity & exploration of self in juxtaposition of societal norms

  • Their experience of being cheated on 4 years ago and how that led into research re: non monogamy

  • Nobody really knows what the fuck they’re doing in any relationship style

  • The false perception that non monogamy is the same as being “single & dating”

  • Jayda’s solo polyamory journey

  • The relationship galaxy model

  • Approaching non monogamy from a lens of possibility vs. Rigidity

  • The importance of being trauma informed in opening up your relationship

  • Navigating life as the caregiver/oldest child, choosing to be child free, astrology shiz, core values, shame and beyond

CONNECT/WORK WITH JAYDA:

Jaydas Instagram 

Jumping Off The Relationship Escalator self paced workshop 

Poetry collection: “From A Place of Love”

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Ethical Slut

Opening Up

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer support sessions

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list

Episode #133: Demisexual Sluts Unite | A Conversation with Jessica Levity

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (96).png

Demisexual sluts unite.

Okay, all jokes aside for a minute, today on the podcast, we’re deep diving into all things demisexuality. Whether you identify as a slut or not, you’re gonna LOVE this conversation where my friend and fellow polyamorous creator & educator Jess deep dive into our personal experiences coming into our demisexuality — and so much more.

Who is Jess? Jessica Levity (she/her) is a digital media and live entertainment producer and entertainer livin' in Reno, Nevada. Pre-panny you could find her on stage in a variety of touring shows through her company Homeslice Productions. After the pandemic killed her industry, she finally launched a "back-burner" project called "Remodeled Love", whose mission is to "expand the cultural narrative on healthy relationships and polyamory". It is now her most successful (and global) project! She's a white, cis woman, who identifies as a queer, polyamorous, demisexual slut. She's also a mama, an anti-capitalist, and witchy as fuck.

If you don’t know her, get ready to fall in love with her energy, her real-ness and the hilarity that ensues in this conversation.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Woo practices & outlining the most important pieces of our dating profiles

  • The definition of demisexuality

  • What being demisexual has meant for us

  • Our group chat of polyamorous creators

  • How things plays into our individual journeys with kink

  • How we both feel about being demisexual and how it impacts our polyamorous journeys

  • Power, expectations, flirting, body dysmorphia and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Jess’s Instagram | Website

Remodeled podcast

Jessamyn Stanley

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer support sessions

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Become a Patreon of the podcast

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #130: What Pride Means To Me Now

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (93).png

And just like that, we’ve come full circle and are at the end of this season of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast. Which feels incredibly fitting to be ending at the beginning of Pride month since Amanda started this season with coming out as polyamorous.

What. A. Season.

On todays episode, Amanda reflects on the last two years of her life. On what coming into her queerness, and coming out has done for her. On what navigating the waters of polyamory has given her. And so much more.

Pull up a chair, some headphones, or a cup of coffee and join her as we close out this season with an emotionally heartfelt heart to heart.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Let’s Talk Polyamory live q&a community zoom — sign up here

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session - for all things polyamory

Youtube version of this episode

Episode 100

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new long term coaching clients for the remainder of 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #129: Bisexuality, Polyamory & Coming Home To Yourself | A Q&A episode

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (92).png

Todays episode is a little different & fun — I’m answering some incredible community based questions around all things sexuality, polyamory and beyond.

I haven’t done a q&a episode in a while, and while I answer questions all of the time on Instagram and Tik Tok, it’s really tough to really peel back the curtain and answer with any level of depth on those platforms. So today, we’re getting down and dirty in the goods.

Pull up your headphones and press play to laugh alongside of me and rock out this special episode!

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Virtual Summit

Sign up for a 1:1 peer support session - for all things polyamory

Youtube version of this episode

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #122: Breaking Down Attachment Styles with Jessica Fern

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (85).png

I’ve been wanting to have a conversation around attachment theory and the various attachment styles on the podcast for a long time, and I knew as soon as I started reading Polysecure that I needed to have Jessica on to break it all down.

Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and author of the book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Non Monogamy. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Her work as a psychotherapist and what led her to focusing on attachment styles and polyamory

  • The four different types of attachment

  • Her perspective around identifying with our attachment styles versus the way to approach the path to building secure attachments

  • Ethical non monogamy and polyamory

  • How we develop our individual attachment styles

  • How to develop secure attachments in ethically non monogamous relationships

  • The difference between a secure base and a safe haven

  • The HEARTS action steps, stepping off the relationship escalator, evolution & growth and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

School of Fears, Feels & Fucks

Video version of the podcast

Buy Jessica’s book: Polysecure

Jessica’s website

Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #121: Let's Talk Polyamory | A Conversation Around the Joys of Poly With My Husband

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (84).png

In todays episode of our “Let’s Talk Polyamory” series of the podcast, we close out this mini series by talking about all of the benefits that polyamory has brought to our lives. Polyamory can bring up a lot of challenging things to the surface, but the rewards are amazing.

So today, for our final episode of this polyamory series, we deep dive into the gifts that polyamory has given us, individually and as a couple. Feeling heaps of gratitude and I hope you all love this episode as much as I loved recording it and reflecting on the last two and a half years of my life.

Episode #120: Let's Talk Polyamory | A Conversation Around Fear of Replacement with My Husband

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (83).png

In todays episode of our “Let’s Talk Polyamory” series of the podcast, we deep dive into all things fear of abandonment and replacement. Todays topic really hits close to home for both of us, in very different ways. And it seems to hit close to home to many of you as well — next to jealousy, this has been our most requested conversation!

Tune in to todays episode to hear all about:

  • how we’ve navigated these fears pre polyamory

  • specifics around how we’ve struggled with these fears in wildly unique ways

  • how attachment theory plays into this

  • where this fear really stems from

  • Amanda gets vulnerable AF about some of her experiences that have led to her feeling more of these feelings in the last year

  • why we attract people into our lives that amplify our fears

  • tools that have supported us while navigating fear of being replaced or abandoned and beyond

Episode #119: Let's Talk Polyamory | A Conversation Around Perception With My Husband

1 2.PNG

In todays episode of our “Let’s Talk Polyamory” series of the podcast, we deep dive into all things perception. I get asked about this all of the time and I get it — I was wildly concerned about how I would be perceived / the reactions my friends and family would have before coming out as polyamorous. Not to mention how it would impact my online presence and beyond.

So we deep dive into all of that.

Tune in to todays episode to hear all about:

  • how we both felt about how we would be perceived before we came out as poly

  • the reactions of our friends and family

  • the mis-perceptions around ethical non monogamy & polyamory

  • how our own perceptions and biases around the things we are pulled towards can produce massive feelings of fear and shame

  • the root of why fear of perception has impacted us individually and beyond

Episode #116: Normalizing Ethical Non Monogamy | A Conversation With Gabrielle Smith

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (80).png

I am so excited to share this conversation with one of my favorite humans who advocates for all things ethical non monogamy: the one and only Gabrielle Smith.

Gabrielle Smith (she/her) is a Brooklyn-based sex and relationship writer. She specializes in looking at ethical non-monogamy, LGBTQ+ topics, mental health and sex-positivity from an intersectional standpoint. Her work has appeared in publications like SELF, Cosmopolitan, Greatist, Insider, Bitch Media and various others. She provides resources about ethical non-monogamy on her Instagram @bygabriellesmith.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Gabrielles journey to ethical non monogamy

  • The importance of non sexual life partners

  • Why capitalism and the nuclear family has created a problematic foundation

  • Solo polyamory

  • The joy of the “choose your own adventure” way of doing relationships

  • Dating anecdotes as a bisexual woman

  • Her experience of being a black woman in the polyamorous/ENM space

  • Kink, sexual liberation, emotional intelligence and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

LIVE YOUR F*CK YES LIFE VIRTUAL SUMMIT TICKETS — SELF LOVE & BODY CONFIDENCE EDITION

Video version of the podcast

Gabrielles Instagram

Gabrielles article: My Dating Life Does Not Define My Blackness

Love Is Not Color Blind

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #113: Let's Talk People Pleasing | A Solo Episode

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (78).png

The “I Don’t Give A F*ck” mentality that everyone tells you you need to achieve in order to be a badass, confident goddess? It’s Bullsh*t.

For the longest time, I have self identified as a people pleaser. At first it was seen pretty exclusively through a negative lens — and in many ways, it was something I *really* struggled with. 

  • I gave so much of myself to everyone else that there was nothing left to give myself and I would walk around every day feeling so burnt out & irritated.

  • I unknowingly practiced co-dependency in many of my relationships and rarely got any of my needs or desires met — which led to heartache, resentment and beyond. 

  • And I was SO focused on what everyone else thought about me that it led me to years of eating disorder cycles, staying in toxic relationships, staying in the closet around my queerness and my polyamory and beyond.

...just to name a few.

In todays episode of the Live Your F*ck Yes Life podcast, I break down what people pleasing really is all about and how it CAN be a superpower of yours — you just have to know what tools to implement so you can fully step out of the darkness and into your unique magic.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Live Your F*ck Yes Life Community — become a Patreon!

Backup & fun new Instagram: @liveyourfuckyeslife

Video version of the podcast

Episode 85 with Taylor Nolan from the Bachelor

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

1:1 coaching with Amanda — I am accepting 1-2 new coaching clients for 2021. Apply here to set up an initial call to see if this work together is a good fit.

Join her email list & get access to her fears & feels embodiment playlists

Episode #105: All Things Polyamory Q&A | A Conversation With My Husband

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (71).png

Is monogamy the only way to build a conscious, loving and lifelong relationship?

I used to believe it was the only way. But as you know, as I shared in episode 101, after 8 years together, we moved away from the monogamous framework and stepped into the ethical non monogamous space two years ago.

I know that people have MANY strong feelings around this (and it makes sense! Monogamy is what our society is built around and I definitely had my fair share of concerns and shame spiral around even the thought of considering it for years before we moved in that direction), and I’ve been getting LOADS of questions in my Instagram DMs so I decided to bring on a super special guest — my incredibly goofy and wonderful husband — to dig into what our unique journey into polyamory has looked like.

We are certainly not experts when it comes to polyamory, ethical non monogamy or relationships — you can listen to a bunch of previous podcast episodes around relationships, sex and beyond from the experts — but I do think that almost 10 years of going through the shit with a human entitles us to have some shit to say that’s worth sharing. And hell, we are certainly experts on OUR unique individual experiences in the world of ethical non monogamy and polyamory.

And today on the podcast, we deep dive into some pretty dense topics around relationship longevity, health and beyond and I am THE MOST excited to share this conversation with you all.

Things we discuss on todays episode:

  • My husband’s unique perspective around why polyamory and ENM feels aligned for him

  • How we opened the door to transition from YEARS of monogamy and how we ended up identifying as polyamorous

  • The difference between affairs/cheating and non monogamy

  • The multiple umbrellas of non monogamy: swinging, polyamory etc.

  • Attraction and relationship preferences are a spectrum as much as sexuality & gender is

  • A deep dive into some of the ups and downs of this journey, both as individuals and as a couple

  • ENM terms like unicorn hunting, triad vs. throuple, nesting/anchor partner, non hierarchical vs. hierarchical polyamory

  • Navigating jealousy and insecurities we’ve both experienced in our journey

  • Boundaries, communication and agreements & the path to figure that shit out being MESSY AF

  • All things fantasy/kink, how polyamory isn’t really so different than monogamy, ridiculous banter between the two of us and so much more.

Episode #101: I'm Coming Out...Again | A Solo Episode

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (67).png

Happy start to season 5 of the podcast!!

It’s fucking hard to believe we’re already 5 seasons in — can you believe it?

And we are kicking things off with a deep dive into an area of my personal self and my identity that I have yet to share publicly. It is something that has felt a long time coming and I’m so excited and ready to share about this part of myself.

So yeah, I’m coming out. Again. Big time.

As always, on this podcast, we tackle taboo subjects that aren’t spoken to very often. And we’re going in that space this season, DEEP. And I ask that you come in, as always, with an open heart and mind. Create space in yourself to learn and be curious. This is how we grow beyond our wildest dreams, my loves. Let’s do the damn thing.

Things I cover in today’s episode:

  • How the podcast is evolving as we head into this new season

  • My fear in sharing this aspect of myself with you all

  • What it means to live as my fullest unapologetic, fuck yes self

  • Navigating rejection for being who you are (by others and by your own self!)

  • Ownership and toxic programming in relationships

  • Ethical non monogamy, polyamory, self discovery and beyond!

Episode #85: How Reality TV Gives Us A Skewed AF Way Of Seeing The World with Taylor Nolan

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (49).png

I’m so excited to share this amazeballs conversation with you on the podcast today with the one and only Taylor Nolan. You may recognize her from as one of Bachelor nation’s most talked about contestants (and one of my personal favorites to ever come from the franchise). If you aren’t familiar with her work and life outside of that space, get READY because she walks the walk on real talk, authenticity and candor.

Taylor is a psychotherapist and host of Let's Talk About It podcast, creating space for meaningful conversations around taboo topics like mental and sexual health. 

And today, we deep dive into all things reality tv and the impact that shows like the Bachelor and Love is Blind (#spoileralert — watch the show!) have on our society and cultural norms as a whole.

Things we discuss in today’s episode:

  • Her thoughts and feelings on reality tv now that she’s two years out of her Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise experience

  • The lack of representation in reality tv

  • Why we both love Love Is Blind and our deep thoughts around allllll the shiz there with Carlton, Cameron and Lauren and Gigi and Damien’s relationship

  • Sexuality, purity/innocence complex, toxic monogamy

  • How The Bachelor is basically polyamory

  • Non monogamy, non traditional relationships, our favorite vibrators and beyond!

Episode #77: Q&A: Cultivating Gratitude, How BRCA and Getting A Double Mastectomy Changed my Relationship, Monogamy and Beyond | A Solo Episode

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (40).png

In this episode, I’m answering your questions directly from Instagram! In this “Ask me Anything” episode, nothing is off limits. Loved doing this and definitely going to incorporate more Q&As in the future to incorporate all your Live Your F*ck Yes Lifers into the podcast content more! Feel free to email me amandakatherineloy@gmail.com for any questions you’d want covered!

WORK WITH AMANDA:

Join the Live Your F*ck Yes Life Membership — use code LYFYL for 10% off!

Book a consult for 1:1 work in emotional/binge eating and mindset

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @amandakatherineloy and don’t forget to subscribe, rate and review on Itunes!

GET ON THE I CHOPPED OFF MY TITS VIP BOOK LIST

Episode #35: Polyamory and ethical non monogamy with Dedeker Winston

PODCAST BLOG PHOTO (28).png

EPISODE SNEAK PEEK

Our narratives around love and sex and romance don’t necessarily hold up all of the time.

Dedeker Winston was raised to be a wholesome Christian conservative, but later opted to be a sex-positive polyamory activist, relationship coach, and nude model. She currently provides one-on-one coaching services for people transitioning into non-monogamy and is one of the hosts of the Multiamory podcast. She has been sought out as an expert for Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Newsweek, Vice, Bustle, AskMen, and recently presented a Talk at Google on non-monogamy. She is the author of The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory.

Here are a few things we discuss in todays episode:

  • Polyamory 101: what does it even mean to be polyamorous?

  • Dedeker’s journey from conservative Christian to sex positive and ethical non monogamy activist

  • Removing the stigma from ethical non monogamy

  • Infidelity, affairs and being attracted to someone else when you’re already in a relationship

  • Cultural norms and the expectations placed on us without being aware of it

  • The relationship escalator and how more of us are on it without even realizing it

  • Jealousy

  • The multiple ways you can dive into the world of ethical non monogamy

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE

TEAMI BLENDS TEAS — use code LYFYL for 15% off your purchase

Websites: dedekerwinston.com | multiamory.com
Twitter: @dedekerwinston
Snag her book The Smart Girls Guide to Polyamory // Audiobook version coming out on October 18th!

Stepping off The Relationship Escalator

Relationship anarchist manifesto

Cappadocia

BOMB ASS WAYS TO CONNECT

Join our community where we chat all things real talk, and you get the inside scoop on guests, a chance to ask questions & be surrounded by a tribe of ladies who GET you!

Shout out the pod on Instagram and tag @liveyourfuckyeslife or leave a review on itunes to get featured on the podcast! 

photos by Kyle Wilson , Zeke D and Cam Frontain