non monogamy

Episode #159: A Conversation on Queerness with My Inner Circle of Queer Bbs Rachel, Kels & Kristen

Did I ever think I’d have a former partner, a queer platonic partner and a platonic life partner together for an in depth conversation around all things queerness? If you had told me a few years ago, I would have been like hell no. I didn’t even know platonic partnership could be a thing back then. AND to have former partners of mine want to participate in my world and be willing to navigate the nuance and intricacies of de-escalation alongside of me while also witnessing me in partnership? I imagined it — hoped for it — but to have it realized is such a gift.

I love these humans. They are some of my most treasured folks in my inner constellation of loved ones. I have learned so much from being in partnership and in sphere with Rach (she/her), Kels (they/them) and Kristen (she/her). And I am just so f*cking excited to share this conversation with one of you.

It might just be my favorite episode to date.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • queer-ness as a celebration of anti-normative living and being

  • the idea of hierarchy and the variety of what commitment can look like in relationships

  • romantic, platonic relationships

  • internalized homophobia

  • the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality

  • how the patriarchy and comp het impacts queer dynamics

  • and a shit ton of goofy energy and personal stories

CONNECT WITH KRISTEN, RACH & KELS:

Instagram: Kristen | Rach | Kels

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

Episode 100: This Is Pride (We’re Here And We’re Queer)

Rachels previous episodes: Episode 148: Platonic Intimacy & Why We Really Went On A Break | Episode 86 | Episode 64: How Fluid id Sexuality Anyways? | Episode 51: Breaking the Stigma of Therapy | Episode 37: The Truth About Anxiety | Episode 9

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Snag one of Amanda’s June somatic embodiment coaching pop up sessions : 60 mins | 90 mins

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #155: Let's Talk Non-Traditional Relationships with Dedeker, Emily & Jase of Multiamory

You probably know them as the trio that started the Multiamory podcast, and I’m so honored to know them as peers, friends and colleagues. When they reached out to let me know that their book was getting ready to be released and that they wanted to come on the podcast to share, it was an easy f*ck yes.

If you are new to these incredible humans, Jase, Emily, and Dedeker have spent the last decade raising awareness, providing approachable resources, and combat the stigma faced by people in non-traditional relationships. Today, with hundreds of episodes, millions of downloads around the world, and a rapidly growing community, they are dedicated to offering practical advice and communication tools, grounded in the latest relationship research, guest experts, and years of professional experience. 

I’m so grateful for them and their commitment to this work. And if you happen to be experiencing them for the first time via this podcast, I’m so stoked to introduce you to all things Multiamory.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • what their work in the relationship sphere has taught them most about their own experience in relationships

  • why there’s been a surge of folks stepping into non monogamy the last few years

  • what tools in the book that they personally use the most

  • how it’s okay to breakup

  • navigating conflict, PTSD and somatic support, praise kinks, fighting for visibility & beyond!

CONNECT WITH EMILY, JASE & DEDEKER:

Get the Multiamory book - preorder today, available 5/23/23

Multiamory’s Instagram | Tik Tok

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Dedeker’s original episode

Ambiamory

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #154: Is Hierarchy In Relationships Ethical? Let's F*cking Talk About It.

Is hierarchy in relationships ethical? A very important question that folks in non monogamous and monogamous relationships alike have been asking and unpacking and holy balls, do we have a lot to say about this subject.

I’ve had a WILD ride when it comes to hierarchy in relationships since I was in high school. Although I didn’t have the language at the time (and internal knowing and understanding that I could exist in any other ways), I’ve always been a queer, ambiamorous, demisexual relationship anarchist. AND I also externally looked like I was existing in and choosing a wildly heteronormative, “traditional” relationship that appeared very hierarchical. And yet, it wasn’t that at all.

Today, we talk about, simply, if hierarchical relationships are ethical.

Hint: (you guessed it), my answer is clear and also nuanced, ‘cause there are so many systems and structures in place in western society that makes this answer much more complicated than a hard YES or NO.

And, as always, I share what experiences I navigated in rectifying with these things in my own personal unlearning process around all things toxic monogamy culture, the patriarchy, heteronormativity and beyond. Let’s get the f*ck into it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon — donate to support the pod, content etc.

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #148: Platonic Intimacy & Why We Really Went On A Break | A Conversation With My Platonic Life Partner Rachel Wright

Today’s episode is one I honestly wasn’t sure would or could ever happen.

If you’ve been around these parts for a while, you will know Rachel Wright not just as the incredible psychotherapist & sex educator, but as one of my dearest friends, collaborators & business partners.

From the moment we met in 2018, we instantly knew we were kindred spirits. Meant to meet. And we spent the next few years being partners in the truest form of the word.

Platonic partners, but partners. We were each others lifeline and person on all things coming out as bi/pan/queer, on all things non monogamy and, truly, just in everything in life.

What you don’t know is that we didn’t talk for almost an entire year.

And today, six months after we began the process of repairing our relationship, we sit down for an extended conversation about what really happened & where we are today — in our relationship, and in our individual selves as queer, non monogamous folks.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • The nitty gritty on the first time we met up after a year long, no contact break

  • The intense grief that comes with losing a friendship & the fear/anxiety around attempting to rekindle it

  • Codependency in platonic relationships

  • Where we are now in our relationship with each other

  • How Rach’s relationship with her three primary partners came to be

  • Where we both stand in our queer & non monogamous identities now

  • Queer crushes, butt plugs, polyamorous breakups, play parties, relationship anarchy & beyond

CONNECT WITH RACHEL:

Rachels Website | Instagram 

Article Rach Wrote Where She Came Out As Polyamorous

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Get all your self pleasure & partnered play vibes with Dame pleasure products — AMANDA10

Sexy safer sex practices for all my vulva ownin’ baddies with My Lorals Undies - AMANDA10

Episode 64: How Fluid Is Sexuality Really

John Romaniello

Episode 142 on Different Relationship Models

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for freebies, musings & first dibs on announcements/offers

Episode #143: Let’s Talk Solo Polyamory with Jayda Shuavarnnnasri

After our last episode on the various relationship models, it felt only fitting to expand on the relationship model that I know most folks are usually either very intrigued and excited by or absolutely terrified about considering — and that is: solo polyamory.

I am not a solo polyamorous person. Never have been, and given my personal values and needs (and inherent biases and privileges), I likely will never choose to intentionally step into that path. But I know that it resonates HARD for many folks, and I knew this conversation that I had with Jayda in May 2021 for a workshop, that she consented to sharing on todays episode of the podcast with all of you, was gonna rock your world as much as it did.

Jayda Shuavarnnnasri (she/they) is a queer Southeast Asian sexuality & relationship educator and trauma-sensitive facilitator. Also known as Sex Positive Asian Auntie, she works to liberate folks from sexual shame by creating space for authentic conversations about sexuality, relationships, identity and healing. The topics that excite her most are sexual exploration, identity, transformative justice, and non-conventional relationships. 

Things she highlights & talks about in todays episode:

  • Curiosity & exploration of self in juxtaposition of societal norms

  • Their experience of being cheated on 4 years ago and how that led into research re: non monogamy

  • Nobody really knows what the fuck they’re doing in any relationship style

  • The false perception that non monogamy is the same as being “single & dating”

  • Jayda’s solo polyamory journey

  • The relationship galaxy model

  • Approaching non monogamy from a lens of possibility vs. Rigidity

  • The importance of being trauma informed in opening up your relationship

  • Navigating life as the caregiver/oldest child, choosing to be child free, astrology shiz, core values, shame and beyond

CONNECT/WORK WITH JAYDA:

Jaydas Instagram 

Jumping Off The Relationship Escalator self paced workshop 

Poetry collection: “From A Place of Love”

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Ethical Slut

Opening Up

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer support sessions

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list

Episode #142: You Can F*cking Choose The Way You Do Relationships, And It’s Epic

Confused AF about what kind of relationship model you actually want because all you’ve ever been taught is monogamy or bust? And even THEN, monogamy has soooo much variability from person to person around expectations, needs, what the relationship feels like/looks like, boundaries etc?

Amanda was too.

We aren’t taught this shit. We’re just thrown into the world to figure it out by the seat of our pants, so she’s popping into your earbuds today to talk about just what your options really are, so you can move through your relationships and life decisions from a place that is rooted in your unique values, desires and needs.

Things she talks about in todays episode:

  • A breakdown of the different relationship models, from Monogamy to Relationship Anarchy (all along her Fuck Yes Relationship Model scale) — go to @amandkatherineloy on Instagram for the visual to follow along

  • What model she feels most particularly aligned with

  • The importance of knowing your values

  • How to communicate with your partners so you can have aligned expectations

Episode #133: Demisexual Sluts Unite | A Conversation with Jessica Levity

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Demisexual sluts unite.

Okay, all jokes aside for a minute, today on the podcast, we’re deep diving into all things demisexuality. Whether you identify as a slut or not, you’re gonna LOVE this conversation where my friend and fellow polyamorous creator & educator Jess deep dive into our personal experiences coming into our demisexuality — and so much more.

Who is Jess? Jessica Levity (she/her) is a digital media and live entertainment producer and entertainer livin' in Reno, Nevada. Pre-panny you could find her on stage in a variety of touring shows through her company Homeslice Productions. After the pandemic killed her industry, she finally launched a "back-burner" project called "Remodeled Love", whose mission is to "expand the cultural narrative on healthy relationships and polyamory". It is now her most successful (and global) project! She's a white, cis woman, who identifies as a queer, polyamorous, demisexual slut. She's also a mama, an anti-capitalist, and witchy as fuck.

If you don’t know her, get ready to fall in love with her energy, her real-ness and the hilarity that ensues in this conversation.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • Woo practices & outlining the most important pieces of our dating profiles

  • The definition of demisexuality

  • What being demisexual has meant for us

  • Our group chat of polyamorous creators

  • How things plays into our individual journeys with kink

  • How we both feel about being demisexual and how it impacts our polyamorous journeys

  • Power, expectations, flirting, body dysmorphia and beyond

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Jess’s Instagram | Website

Remodeled podcast

Jessamyn Stanley

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Peer support sessions

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Become a Patreon of the podcast

Join her email list for all the important things / monthly announcements

Episode #100: This Is Pride (We're Here And We're Queer)

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100 episodes.

Just saying that out loud feels surreal. 100 episodes ago, I launched this podcast with a dream — a dream to cultivate a space for real, honest and candid conversations around all sorts of topics. I didn’t know where it was going to go. But I knew that the conversations I was having around taboo or TMI subjects behind closed doors with my friends and fellow entrepreneurs were ones that needed to be shared publicly.

When we leave things unsaid or don’t talk about things in the open, shame around that subject develops. And if there’s anything that I strive for with all of the work that I do is to embolden everyone I teach and come across to revel in their uniqueness and release anything holding them back not allowing them to live their f*ck yes life.

And I do it alongside of them. Alongside of you. Because coming home to yourself is lifelong work — and the deepest and most important work a human can do, in my opinion.

Owning my queerness has been a huge part of my coming home story. A year ago, almost to the date, I came out publicly on the podcast as bisexual. And today, as we close out season 4, I am deeply honored to be joined by eight queer humans that I deeply admire, respect and love to celebrate Pride and the LGBTQ+ community.

This podcast takes a format unlike any episode I’ve ever done. And I can’t wait for you to listen. To absorb these stories. To hear yourself in their voices (no matter how you identify sexually). And to help me celebrate 100 episodes.

You ready? Let’s go.

Episode #85: How Reality TV Gives Us A Skewed AF Way Of Seeing The World with Taylor Nolan

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I’m so excited to share this amazeballs conversation with you on the podcast today with the one and only Taylor Nolan. You may recognize her from as one of Bachelor nation’s most talked about contestants (and one of my personal favorites to ever come from the franchise). If you aren’t familiar with her work and life outside of that space, get READY because she walks the walk on real talk, authenticity and candor.

Taylor is a psychotherapist and host of Let's Talk About It podcast, creating space for meaningful conversations around taboo topics like mental and sexual health. 

And today, we deep dive into all things reality tv and the impact that shows like the Bachelor and Love is Blind (#spoileralert — watch the show!) have on our society and cultural norms as a whole.

Things we discuss in today’s episode:

  • Her thoughts and feelings on reality tv now that she’s two years out of her Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise experience

  • The lack of representation in reality tv

  • Why we both love Love Is Blind and our deep thoughts around allllll the shiz there with Carlton, Cameron and Lauren and Gigi and Damien’s relationship

  • Sexuality, purity/innocence complex, toxic monogamy

  • How The Bachelor is basically polyamory

  • Non monogamy, non traditional relationships, our favorite vibrators and beyond!

photos by Kyle Wilson , Zeke D and Cam Frontain