relationship anarchy

Episode #155: Let's Talk Non-Traditional Relationships with Dedeker, Emily & Jase of Multiamory

You probably know them as the trio that started the Multiamory podcast, and I’m so honored to know them as peers, friends and colleagues. When they reached out to let me know that their book was getting ready to be released and that they wanted to come on the podcast to share, it was an easy f*ck yes.

If you are new to these incredible humans, Jase, Emily, and Dedeker have spent the last decade raising awareness, providing approachable resources, and combat the stigma faced by people in non-traditional relationships. Today, with hundreds of episodes, millions of downloads around the world, and a rapidly growing community, they are dedicated to offering practical advice and communication tools, grounded in the latest relationship research, guest experts, and years of professional experience. 

I’m so grateful for them and their commitment to this work. And if you happen to be experiencing them for the first time via this podcast, I’m so stoked to introduce you to all things Multiamory.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • what their work in the relationship sphere has taught them most about their own experience in relationships

  • why there’s been a surge of folks stepping into non monogamy the last few years

  • what tools in the book that they personally use the most

  • how it’s okay to breakup

  • navigating conflict, PTSD and somatic support, praise kinks, fighting for visibility & beyond!

CONNECT WITH EMILY, JASE & DEDEKER:

Get the Multiamory book - preorder today, available 5/23/23

Multiamory’s Instagram | Tik Tok

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Dedeker’s original episode

Ambiamory

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off

WORK, SUPPORT & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Fucking Queer Merch — 100% of proceeds from now through the end of Pride Month will go towards the LGBTQ+ charity/organization the community chooses

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon to support the pod

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #154: Is Hierarchy In Relationships Ethical? Let's F*cking Talk About It.

Is hierarchy in relationships ethical? A very important question that folks in non monogamous and monogamous relationships alike have been asking and unpacking and holy balls, do we have a lot to say about this subject.

I’ve had a WILD ride when it comes to hierarchy in relationships since I was in high school. Although I didn’t have the language at the time (and internal knowing and understanding that I could exist in any other ways), I’ve always been a queer, ambiamorous, demisexual relationship anarchist. AND I also externally looked like I was existing in and choosing a wildly heteronormative, “traditional” relationship that appeared very hierarchical. And yet, it wasn’t that at all.

Today, we talk about, simply, if hierarchical relationships are ethical.

Hint: (you guessed it), my answer is clear and also nuanced, ‘cause there are so many systems and structures in place in western society that makes this answer much more complicated than a hard YES or NO.

And, as always, I share what experiences I navigated in rectifying with these things in my own personal unlearning process around all things toxic monogamy culture, the patriarchy, heteronormativity and beyond. Let’s get the f*ck into it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

Fucking Queer Merch - use code QUEERDO for 15% off / proceeds go to the Brave Space Alliance

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Patreon — donate to support the pod, content etc.

Join her email list for free curated playlists and very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #152: Ambiamory & Finding Your Authentic Path In A Binary World

I dropped the “I don’t identify as polyamorous anymore” bomb a few months ago & I’m finally sharing the behind the scenes of why I arrived there. I promise you, it’s not what many folks think.

So let’s get the fuck into it, bbs.

Some things I talk about in todays episode:

  • The mess and the magic of sifting through identity markers to figure out who the fuck you are

  • My own process of feeling seen within the label of ambiamory and what it means

  • The collective cry around breaking the binary, and what that has looked like for my own journey

  • My unique timeline of queer liberation, relationship anarchy, demisexuality, divorce & coming home to my deepest knowing

  • Critical thinking & navigating the nuance of humanity

  • Sifting through the balance of rejecting, at my core, the patriarchy & capitalism while finding ways to flow within the structures we currently have to operate within

  • Witchy astrology queer shit, somatic healing, trauma and nervous system recovery, gender fluidity & expression and beyond.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Who I am Updated Instagram post

Ambiamory definition

Episode 151: Let’s Talk Relationship Anarchy

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - support the pod & join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join email list for occasional nudges, offerings and love.

Episode #151: Let's Talk Relationship Anarchy | A Conversation With Abby Rosmarin

You’ve asked for an entire episode on all things relationship anarchy and I’m so stoked to be kicking off the conversation and deep dive into all things relationship anarchy with the one person that’s made me feel the most seen by sharing their lived experience as a demisexual relationship anarchist who has been in polyamorous and monogamous dynamics alike : Abby Rosmarin aka my mutual and friend on Tik Tok (and in real life) @notjennifergarner

Abby (she/they) is a writer, content creator, mental health professional, trauma-informed yoga instructor, and former commercial model. She is the author of 7 books, including the Amazon Bestseller The Ballerina's Guide to Boxing. She is also known as NotJenniferGarner on TikTok, where she has amassed nearly half a million followers. Abby is also getting her Master's in Clinical Mental Health Counseling.

This conversation felt like a warm hug to my heart, and I know it will feel that way for you too. So cozy up with us and let’s fucking go baby!

Things highlighted in todays episode:

  • what relationship anarchy is / means to both Abby and Amanda

  • relationship anarchy being occasionally equated to abuse

  • autonomy being falsely equated with lack of accountability

  • nuance is everything

  • ways to tangibly live out relationship anarchist values

  • platonic partners, hierarchy, comp het and comp monogamy, intention and beyond

CONNECT WITH ABBY:

Abby’s Instagram | Tik Tok | Patreon

Buy Abby’s Books

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Relationship Anarchy Manifesto

Relationship libertarian

Episode 145 : Abuse in Non Monogamy

Crony Capitalism

Amanda’s Fuck Yes Relationship Manifesto

Multiamory

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Fucking Queer Merch

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join her email list for very occasional gifts & announcements in your inbox

Episode #150: I Belong To Me

Welcome back to the pod my queer-dos, loves and everyone in between.

It feels really fitting to be coming back to the pod at this time of year — not just post the first birthday I’ve had in years that wasn’t surrounded by chaos and pain because of my personal life, but also because this marks the 5 year anniversary of the pod. Crazy balls.

So much of the last six months since I saw you last here has been me healing post divorce (and all that came with leaving) and integrating the values I have into my day to day world. And, in that, so much of my focus has been on belonging — both to myself, and what I want belonging in community and in space to look and feel like, both within interpersonal relationships and as the artist and facilitator that I am.

And in todays episode, we deep dive into all of that and more.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Fucking Queer Merch

Episode 149 : Divorce Is Not A Dirty Word

32 Things Instagram Post

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon - support the pod & join her “close friends” list on Instagram at the $5+ level

Amanda’s Instagram | Website | Tik Tok

Join her email list for all the important things / future group coaching & teaching announcements

Episode #148: Platonic Intimacy & Why We Really Went On A Break | A Conversation With My Platonic Life Partner Rachel Wright

Today’s episode is one I honestly wasn’t sure would or could ever happen.

If you’ve been around these parts for a while, you will know Rachel Wright not just as the incredible psychotherapist & sex educator, but as one of my dearest friends, collaborators & business partners.

From the moment we met in 2018, we instantly knew we were kindred spirits. Meant to meet. And we spent the next few years being partners in the truest form of the word.

Platonic partners, but partners. We were each others lifeline and person on all things coming out as bi/pan/queer, on all things non monogamy and, truly, just in everything in life.

What you don’t know is that we didn’t talk for almost an entire year.

And today, six months after we began the process of repairing our relationship, we sit down for an extended conversation about what really happened & where we are today — in our relationship, and in our individual selves as queer, non monogamous folks.

Things we talk about in todays episode:

  • The nitty gritty on the first time we met up after a year long, no contact break

  • The intense grief that comes with losing a friendship & the fear/anxiety around attempting to rekindle it

  • Codependency in platonic relationships

  • Where we are now in our relationship with each other

  • How Rach’s relationship with her three primary partners came to be

  • Where we both stand in our queer & non monogamous identities now

  • Queer crushes, butt plugs, polyamorous breakups, play parties, relationship anarchy & beyond

CONNECT WITH RACHEL:

Rachels Website | Instagram 

Article Rach Wrote Where She Came Out As Polyamorous

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Get all your self pleasure & partnered play vibes with Dame pleasure products — AMANDA10

Sexy safer sex practices for all my vulva ownin’ baddies with My Lorals Undies - AMANDA10

Episode 64: How Fluid Is Sexuality Really

John Romaniello

Episode 142 on Different Relationship Models

WORK & CONNECT WITH AMANDA:

Patreon

Amanda’s book, I Chopped Off My Tits

Amanda’s Instagram | Website

Join her email list for freebies, musings & first dibs on announcements/offers

Episode #142: You Can F*cking Choose The Way You Do Relationships, And It’s Epic

Confused AF about what kind of relationship model you actually want because all you’ve ever been taught is monogamy or bust? And even THEN, monogamy has soooo much variability from person to person around expectations, needs, what the relationship feels like/looks like, boundaries etc?

Amanda was too.

We aren’t taught this shit. We’re just thrown into the world to figure it out by the seat of our pants, so she’s popping into your earbuds today to talk about just what your options really are, so you can move through your relationships and life decisions from a place that is rooted in your unique values, desires and needs.

Things she talks about in todays episode:

  • A breakdown of the different relationship models, from Monogamy to Relationship Anarchy (all along her Fuck Yes Relationship Model scale) — go to @amandkatherineloy on Instagram for the visual to follow along

  • What model she feels most particularly aligned with

  • The importance of knowing your values

  • How to communicate with your partners so you can have aligned expectations

photos by Kyle Wilson , Zeke D and Cam Frontain