toxic monogamy

Episode #154: Is Hierarchy In Relationships Ethical? Let's F*cking Talk About It.

Is hierarchy in relationships ethical? A very important question that folks in non monogamous and monogamous relationships alike have been asking and unpacking and holy balls, do we have a lot to say about this subject.

I’ve had a WILD ride when it comes to hierarchy in relationships since I was in high school. Although I didn’t have the language at the time (and internal knowing and understanding that I could exist in any other ways), I’ve always been a queer, ambiamorous, demisexual relationship anarchist. AND I also externally looked like I was existing in and choosing a wildly heteronormative, “traditional” relationship that appeared very hierarchical. And yet, it wasn’t that at all.

Today, we talk about, simply, if hierarchical relationships are ethical.

Hint: (you guessed it), my answer is clear and also nuanced, ‘cause there are so many systems and structures in place in western society that makes this answer much more complicated than a hard YES or NO.

And, as always, I share what experiences I navigated in rectifying with these things in my own personal unlearning process around all things toxic monogamy culture, the patriarchy, heteronormativity and beyond. Let’s get the f*ck into it.

LINKS MENTIONED IN TODAYS EPISODE:

Episode 134: I’m Addicted To You Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic Monogamy

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Episode #134: I'm Addicted To You Don't You Know That You're Toxic Monogamy Culture

I’ve been sharing more and more about toxic monogamy culture and it’s been a super polarizing subject. For many, they outright deny that it could even be a thing. For others, it’s been a massive lightbulb a-ha moment where everything starts to make sense about why they’ve felt so much resistance for so long. And other folks are like F*CK YESSSS THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS IT’S SUCH A THING AND NOBODY DOES!

It’s a lot to navigate through — the responses, the emotions and our own unique response when we’re met with the idea of toxic monogamy culture in the first place — and I get it! It was A LOT for me to wrap my head around too when I started unpacking it in my own life. So today, we’re deep diving into this incredibly important topic and getting into the juicy details once and for all.

Things I cover in todays episode:

  • how me just being who I am is in and of itself polarizing for so many folks

  • compulsory heteronormativity & monogamy

  • approaching life from a lens of curiosity

  • how toxic monogamy culture is possible in monogamy AND polyamory

  • my perspective on monogamy as a whole

  • WTF toxic monogamy actually is

  • The relationship escalator

  • Some prime examples of how toxic monogamy shows up in relationships

Episode #85: How Reality TV Gives Us A Skewed AF Way Of Seeing The World with Taylor Nolan

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I’m so excited to share this amazeballs conversation with you on the podcast today with the one and only Taylor Nolan. You may recognize her from as one of Bachelor nation’s most talked about contestants (and one of my personal favorites to ever come from the franchise). If you aren’t familiar with her work and life outside of that space, get READY because she walks the walk on real talk, authenticity and candor.

Taylor is a psychotherapist and host of Let's Talk About It podcast, creating space for meaningful conversations around taboo topics like mental and sexual health. 

And today, we deep dive into all things reality tv and the impact that shows like the Bachelor and Love is Blind (#spoileralert — watch the show!) have on our society and cultural norms as a whole.

Things we discuss in today’s episode:

  • Her thoughts and feelings on reality tv now that she’s two years out of her Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise experience

  • The lack of representation in reality tv

  • Why we both love Love Is Blind and our deep thoughts around allllll the shiz there with Carlton, Cameron and Lauren and Gigi and Damien’s relationship

  • Sexuality, purity/innocence complex, toxic monogamy

  • How The Bachelor is basically polyamory

  • Non monogamy, non traditional relationships, our favorite vibrators and beyond!

photos by Kyle Wilson , Zeke D and Cam Frontain